Lack of Commitment

I am amazed at the lack of commitment people around me are showing lately. When we’re young and immature, a change of mind is easily explained by our age. “She’s still a kid,” people say, “she doesn’t know what she wants yet.” Fair enough. Maybe 16 is too young to take on a major commitment.

But what about 25? or 30? or 35? When’s the right time? What’s the age at which we’re supposed to be more mature and know that a commitment is not meant to be easy, but we stick to it anyway. What if people quit their jobs regularly. I mean monthly. When I worked on Wall Street, people used to say that you need to work in a company at least for one year before you can leave because otherwise it looks bad on your resume. Companies didn’t like to see guys who moved in and out of places within months. It showed lack of commitment. Lack of care.

I fear that my generation is full of people who don’t take their commitments seriously. I have more friends than I’d like to count who are cheating on their significant other, who are getting divorced, who are taking on jobs they know they will quit as soon as they can get the job they really want. What’s the point of getting married if you aren’t willing to try as hard as you can. What’s the point of staying married if you’re sleeping with someone else? What’s the point of it all?

I don’t mean to imply that one is required to stay in a loveless marriage or an abusive one. Life is short and we are supposed to try and be happy for the amount of time we’re here. But the thing that annoys me is that no one is forcing you to make a commitment. No one is requiring marriage which is much harder than it appears. Marriage is hard work. It’s consistent hard work. It’s not all flowers and chocolates and hugs and sex. It’s caring on the sick days, dealing with loss of money, working out different priorities. It’s being with someone who goes through mood swings. emotional downs, major career changes, anger, sadness, frustration, lack of enthusiasm, lack of drive, lack of ambition. And not when it’s convenient for you but when the other person is actually feeling it. Marriage is spending a lifetime with another person whom you can’t control. It’s putting up, bending backwards, compromising, and caring even when you don’t feel like it. Not to mention the dimensions that children add to the picture. No matter how magnificent the other person is, marriage is hard work a lot of the time.

It’s also wonderful and amazing and magical but, for now, we’re talking about the difficult moments. People who stand in front of the officiant and say “yes” should take a moment and realize all this hard work. Maybe then they wouldn’t commit to something they undoubtedly can’t do. I know we start all things with good intentions but how come we don’t stick to anything any more? How come we’ve lost all our integrity? How come cheating has become acceptable; something we can ‘work out’? Why can’t we own up to our commitments? And if the marriage is really over and there’s nothing to work on anymore, why can’t we be honest and deal with it instead of lying and hiding and cheating?

Apologies for the rant but after the seventh case, I just feel like blowing up. It makes me lose all faith in the institution of marriage and it makes me lose respect for humankind.

Oh and I posted two new sets of pictures: malibu, venice beach, beverly hills and learning photography with the nikon ef2 and a new book excerpt: nothing that meets the eye.