52 Things – Do Something Special for Jake’s Birthday

I decided to do this a few months ago. In my family, we have a tradition of giving big, thoughtful presents for important birthdays like we made a video of all of his friends for my Dad’s 50th and a website with messages and photos from all her friends for my mom’s 50th and I made a book for my sister’s 30th. Even though Jake turned 36 this last week, I decided I didn’t need to wait until his 40th to do something special for him.

59. Do Something Special for Jake’s Birthday

Since I’ve started scrapbooking, I’ve learned the value of preserving memories. Actual stories from our lives. I think they are magic in every sense of the word. So for his birthday, I wanted to give my husband the gift of stories. Stories from his life. I made this long list of people from his life. Here are the categories I made:

• family
• elementary + middle school (he went to the same school for 9 years)
• high school
• college
• job 1, 2, 3, etc. individually
• friends of parents (people who knew him as a little baby, people who’ve been family friends for a long time)
• disconnected (people he met unrelated to any of the above but are still significant in his life)

My first task was to grow this list of names. I’ve been with my husband for 16 years so I knew a lot of the people from each of the categories except elementary school. I emailed some of the people I knew and asked for ideas. I then had to figure out everyone’s emails. This, too, was a big task. I went through his Facebook account and messaged some of the people to ask for their information. I didn’t want to add them as friends as I worried he might notice some trend. For the few disconnected people left, I randomly dropped sentences into conversation like “oh have you talked to so and so lately, what’s their email?” It sounds too obvious but i did it very rarely over a month so he didn’t notice it.

Once I had my list, I emailed all of them explaining what I was doing, telling them it was a surprise, and giving them ten days to do it. This is one of those favors where it takes about ten minutes to do but you put it off forever so I figured the longer the deadline, the more people will put it off.

Then I waited. And then I emailed “this is almost due” email about 2-3 days prior and another “you’re now officially late” email about a week after the due date. I then emailed “this is my drop-dead-date” emails to the few people who still hadn’t done it. And finally “you REALLY need to do this” emails to the few people I thought were really important to have in the book. After months of emails, followups, and gathering, it was finally time to put the book together.

A few years ago, in anticipation for Ali’s BPS class, I’d asked Jake’s mom to bring me childhood photos of him. So I had them scanned. I took a bunch of them that I loved and mixed them with a bunch of recent photos of him with the kids, etc. and I had my words and my photos. All in all, I’d emailed around 100 people and heard back from around 75 of them. Not bad at all.

I decided to do the book using blurb so I went to their site and downloaded their software. I decided not to do anything in chronological order. I mixed the photos and mixed the people. Just laid it all out the way I thought looked most fun. I feel like at any moment in time, we’re a mix of all of our past so it made sense to mix it all together.

It took me two-three solid days to put it together and another week to adjust it. I then uploaded and ordered and it was here a few weeks before his birthday.

A typical layout. This one is one person’s story. Some spreads had two people, one in each page.

I gave it to Jake at 1am on his birthday. I wanted it to be private, just the two of us. I think he really did like it. My hope is that it showed him how amazing he is and how he’s left a trace in so many people’s lives.

Here’s what i put on the dedication page:

My love, I know that special presents are supposed to be saved for big birthdays but I decided that the round numbers were overrated and that the best time to give a gift from the heart is now. Every year with you is special and your 36th birthday is just as important as any.

One of the things I’ve always loved about you is that you are one of those people who leaves an impression. People don’t forget you. You touch their lives in a way only you can. And, this year, I wanted you to see just how many people’s lives you’ve touched. Just how many people care about you and just how much.

Life is a collection of memories and I wanted you to have a little book that shows you some of the stories other people have with you. The dents you’ve made in their life. We all love you so much.

All of our lives are better because you’ve been in them Jake. Thank you for being you.

Happy Birthday!

and on the next page, I added this quote I’d found on Ali’s page a long time ago.

Our lives are a flood of images and we are collectors who keep a strange assortment of images: moments of extreme emotion, pain, beauty, and fear stand out. Events we’re taught to remember: weddings, graduations, births, deaths. Then there are the millions of images that we can’t shake out of our heads, that come to us at strange times – things we can’t remember why we remember: the gold threads in an old stereo speaker, the way the light hit a thousand cars in a parking lot by the water, the face of a stranger in a restaurant, a friend standing in a pool – you can’t remember where, slapping the water with the flat of her hand. Memory is a sieve that holds curious things. A life is a trail of strange, colorful memories. – Risa Mickenberg

In the end, I loved how it all came together. As could be expected, I did make some mistakes and leave out two people and had a third one with a story sent too late and there was one small portion with white text so I will fix all that and get the book reprinted (another wonderful side effect of having done it digitally like this.)

But I am truly glad I didn’t wait another 4 years. This for me to remember not to save my “best” ideas. Do them now. There will be more.

Here’s to the power of stories.

I love you my amazing husband. Happy thirty-six and to many many more.