Daily Diary – May 9 2010

The path to my house is filled with roses. They are each so large and stunning. So many colors.

A wonderful Sunday here. Some scrappy time, some quiet reading time, a delicious and wonderful lunch with my whole family, some more reading, and now a little bit of business. As always I didn’t get all my todos done but I’m ok with that.

The very best part of Mom’s day was getting wonderful photos of my family. One of all of us.

And then me with my boys.

And another.

And one of my three boys. The wonderful men in my life.

And another. The loves of my life.

I am a little sad the weekend’s over. But I am in a lot of pain, too. Maybe I’ll just take a sick day tomorrow and actually lie in bed. That would be a novel idea. I have no idea what to do to make my back pain go away. Anyhow. It shall pass.

A word for my mom. I love you mom. Over the years, you’ve always loved and supported me wholeheartedly. You’ve always always had my best interest in mind and you were patient and respectful of my choices (even if you didn’t understand them or agree with them.) No child could ask for a better mom. I love, adore and cherish you. With all of my heart and soul.

I also wanted to take a moment to thank and acknowledge my amazing sister, my grandmother, my other grandmother (who totally would have called me today. I thought of you so much Omama.), my mother-in-law, my sisters-in-law, and all the amazing moms in my life. And all the people who’ve taken the time to make me feel special in some way or another. Those of you who come to read. I might be just another blog in your surfing but it means a lot to me that you take the time to read my words.

Note to Self:
I was thinking today that days like this (Mother’s Day) comes with so many expectations. So much comparison. Bad feelings for those whose kids might have passed away. For those who lost a baby or those who cannot yet conceive. I have a lot of thoughts on this. So I will try to organize a bit.

On what I want for our family: Over the years, I’ve been through a lot of different feelings about these events. Even about birthdays and anniversaries and Christmas, etc. On one hand I think most of these have become commercialized events and I am not excited about that. On the other hand, I think there’s nothing wrong with taking an occasion to make someone feel special. I want to celebrate life with abandon. I want days to be filled with appreciation and joy. And if there are certain days reserved just for that, I am ok with that. Why not? I want to make cards and banners and celebrations. I don’t care if others think it’s dorky. I think it’s happy. And why not live with joy. Sarcasm is so overrated if you ask me.

On expectations: Having said all of this, while I want to encourage my family to play along with me, I also want to live my life with no expectations. I can’t find it now but Gretchen Rubin has this whole thing about gold stars and not looking for them or the one about no calculations and I wholeheartedly believe in it. And when I see myself slipping, I try hard to give myself a talking. The fact is, I chose my husband and I adore him. I chose to be a mother. I chose to stay/work at home and be there with them (which i love love love.) and they owe me nothing. My mom doesn’t owe me anything. No one owes me. I am so thankful for these people in my life. I am so thankful for how much I have. The best part of Mother’s day is getting to wake up and being in the house with the people I love. Knowing that they are in my life. The flowers, the chocolate, presents. Those things are meaningless compared to the love. To life. So, if you’re comparing, I hope you don’t. I hope you realize the amazingness of your life and its gifts. Cause I am working hard to do that over here. To live and love the choices I made. (and if I don’t, I love that I have the freedom to change my choices.) So no expectations here. If I want a special day, I want to be a part of creating it, not expecting it.

For those of you who have personal tragedies or stories that keep you from feeling good about today, I hope you take the time to be kind to yourself. To pamper yourself. Don’t wait around for someone to recognize you. Recognize yourself. You’re amazing, just the way you are. I swear. You are. So make sure you are acknowledging that. Today and everyday. (I know it sounds cheesy but it is true. It really is. Let go of the stupid sarcasm and embrace joy and happiness. Life’s so much better when lived with joy.)

Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. Photos of us. I love having photos of us. I love love love them.
2. An absolutely delicious lunch with all of my boys.
3. Grateful for my life today. Just the little moments in between the craziness, the meals, the routines, the rush.

Two Things David’s Grateful For:
1. legos legos legos. yep. and again.
2. getting to eat chocolate and dessert