As always, I want to start by saying that this is going to be a long post. These reflective posts are how I make sure to live my life intentionally. They matter to me and I love being able to look back on them in future years. I know that this might not be interesting to many (if not any) of you, so please feel free to skip it. If some of you find it interesting, all the better.
This particular exercise is following Susannah Conway’s Unraveling 2025 sheet. You can download it right here. I split the reflective questions looking back on 2024 in and the questions to help clarify goals/dreams for 2025 into two posts. This is part I, part II comes next week. All questions are Susannah’s and are copyrighted to her.
Describe 2024 in three words: intense, a lot, change
If the events of 2024 were made into a film or a book, what would it be called? It is time.
Describe the story and main characters of 2024. Any unexpected plot twists? I feel like I’ve been saying this for a few years, now, but alas 2024 was likely one of the hardest years I’ve had personally. Harder than I would have been able to imagine if I were trying to imagine things. But alas. I made it through.
Did you have a word, words or a phrase for 2024? explore.
If you did, how have they guided and supported you through the last 12 months? As 2024 was the year I turned 50, I was determined to have this be the year that I spent a lot of time exploring who I am and how I can do the work to figure that out as much as possible. I came up with this whole project and I am so incredibly grateful that it was a resounding success. I figured a lot of things out and I made a lot of progress. I think that project gave me a way to methodically work through and it helped me in significant ways.
How have you evolved over the last 12 months? What feels different now? A lot. I found what I like to wear, how I like my home, what kind person I am on the inside and what feels truest to me. What I like to spend my time doing and why. I feel more grounded in who I am a result of all this exploration.
When did you stand up for yourself in 2024? (And when didn’t you?) Hmmm. There were instances where I really tried to hold on to my boundaries and be clear in communicating who I am and what’s ok. And there were times when I really lost it and wasn’t the truest version of myself. There are times when I allowed more than I would like to have. And I am giving myself grace for all of it. I am navigating a new normal for myself and I have decided to give myself grace through all of it.
What’s supported you most in 2024? What’s really helped? Art. Art quiets my mind. Sadie. Sadie’s love has really been wonderful. Books, they always rescue me. My manager at work and my previous manager at work. They are both wonderful. People who have shown up for me again and again. My kids. Therapy. People’s kindness. And myself. I helped myself. I had my own back.
What drained your energy in 2024? Did you notice at the time? What drained my energy the most is when I was unwilling to see what is and accept it. When I fought the truth. When I tried to change it. When I tried to understand it, the truth is that there are no “reasons” for the hard things. They are what they are. When I worried about things that didn’t matter. When I decided to take on others’ stress as mine. When I tried to absorb it and it wasn’t mine to take on. And there were times things really got hard. And that’s just life. And also, the unknown. The unknown and unknowable always drains me.
What did you let go of this year? And how do you feel about this? I let go of my idea of how I wanted things to turn out. I let go of controlling the outcome. I let go of so much this year. I am still letting things go.
What new priorities have you uncovered in 2024? Big or small. Well I got Sadie this year, so she’s a new priority. I invested time in learning how to sketch houses. I invested more in Korean. I changed jobs and went back to investing in being a good manager. I spent a lot of time supporting my kids. In ways new to me. I decided grace is a major priority and I also decided it’s more important to understand and be who I am.
Which connections have you cherished the most in 2024? My kiddos. Sadie. Ruth and Ellen. Beth and Angela and Evelyn. Jess and Audrey and Michelle. My team at work. I am so grateful for everyone who cared about me and checked in on me and showed up and held space. In all ways big and small. I am so lucky.
What ambushed you in 2024? How did you deal with it? Well hard to say anything ambushed me when of course I’d seen it coming for several years even if I didn’t want to. Wait, that’s not true, the news on President’s Day definitely ambushed me. It changed our lives forever. We are still dealing with it. This year had some of the toughest moments of my life so far. Here’s to hoping I don’t get to say that again for a long, long time.
If your body could talk, what has it been saying this year? I am here to support you and I know that when you’re ready, you will do better.
How have you taken care of yourself physically? What’s worked? What needs work? I did a terrible job taking care of my body this year. I stopped exercising all together early on in the year and never got back into it. I do walk a lot more now thanks to Sadie but I have a long way to go. I want to do better. I want to do the type of exercise that helps me stay inside my body and to make it stronger without feeling like I have to punish myself.
How have you taken care of yourself mentally? What’s worked? What needs work? I did a lot this year. Took a lot of classes on a wide variety of topics: more art, more korean, ifs, gouache, even signed up for the shuffle class though I haven’t done it yet. I started a new job. I’ve been working hard on trying to make sure I can be good at it.
How have you taken care of yourself emotionally? What’s worked? What needs work? I did a lot of therapy and work on myself this year. I did a lot of journaling. I did this whole project on exploring. I cried, I lashed out, I sat with it. I let myself feel my feelings.
The Releasing – Go gently with this next section. This is the space to remember the losses, the goodbyes and the struggles. Did anything happen in 2024 that needs to be forgiven, perhaps? Use this space to note down the more difficult moments of 2024 and keep going in your journal if you feel ready to untangle your feelings further. As I mentioned, 2024 was the hardest year I’ve had by a long margin. My life changed in ways that will never be the same. And so much of that has brought grief with it. Even though much of it wasn’t necessarily my “fault” I still have to live with the consequences and the aftermath of it all. Which has been and will continue to be hard. And also I have faith in myself that I will get through this. I will do what’s needed because I always do. And I am strong and brave.
The Gratitudes – Use this page to record everything you’re grateful for
from this wild and unpredictable year. Big things, little things, the profound and the everyday. What are you grateful for? I am so grateful for my kids. I am so so grateful for Sadie. For everyone who has had my back and has checked in on me. For therapy. For my pink Christmas tree. For all the skirts and scarves I bought that I love. For my job that turned out to be such a gift. For still being employed in this climate. For my kids having good friends who see them and love them. For giving myself the endless grace I need right now. For spending time getting to know myself. To be healthy and loved. I am grateful to be 50.
What are you proud of yourself for in 2024? I am proud of being a good mother to my kids. Always growing and trying to be a better version of myself. I am proud of getting Sadie after wanting a dog for so many years. I am proud of working on doing a good job at work. I am proud of how much effort and time I am putting into drawing. I am proud of who I am trying to be and how much I continue to do my work and grow.
When did you feel most like yourself this year? I think I am feeling more and more like myself each day. I’ve had more days feeling most like myself this year than before.
What have you healed this year (or identified needs healing)? I think I am still working on healing and the more I work on it, the more things I identify. I don’t think this will ever be a “done” thing for me. But I am making progress and I am proud of it.
What questions and explorations are you taking with you into 2025? I am taking everything I learned with me and planning to come home to myself even more in 2025.
What’s deepened in your life? What’s changing in ways that delight you? Being who I am. What I wear, how my house is, seeing when people are kind to me, getting closer to who I am in my core, deeply connecting with what actually matters to me.
Who are you becoming? Does it excite or scare you? Hold space for the feelings…I had come into 2024 wanting to discover who I am and I know so many people thought it was a bit of a joke that I could do that “on command” but I did. I did so much of it. I know so much more now. I found out so many things. I cemented many others. It really was a profound year for self-exploration even in the midst of some really really horrible moments. I am so excited to be more of who I am. And to shed all of what’s not true to me.
Before we finish with 2024, take a few minutes to write out anything else you want to say to the old year. You might like to say some final goodbyes and thank yous…
Dear 2024, let’s hope I don’t have another year like you in a long, long time. Let’s hope I don’t experience grief and shock like this for many, many years. And also thank you for the many gifts you brought, too. For all the ways in which I learned so much about myself. For Sadie. For all the love and laughter and friendship that I experienced. Even for all the low moments that of course have been teaching me how strong I can be if needed. Thank you for your gifts, and please please let’s have 2025 be uneventful. I promise I will continue to work on myself and grow.
Thank you 2024, you are now complete.
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