52 Things – Renew my wardrobe

Here’s this week’s item:

3. Renew my wardrobe

I’ll admit, I thought this was one of the few items that would not get done in 2010. I have always felt that I shouldn’t buy anything new until I lose the weight I’ve wanted to lose. I’ve felt overweight as long as I can remember and having Nathaniel didn’t do much to alleviate this problem. Even though I’ve not been dieting or exercising in the least, I’ve also “punished” myself by not allowing myself to buy anything new. The fact that I abhor shopping didn’t hurt either.

When we moved to this house, almost a year ago, I bought two pairs of jeans and six long-sleeve T’s from GAP and that’s all I’ve been wearing ever since. Literally. Until my mom came, I hadn’t even walked into my closet except to get shoes. I was avoiding it like the plague.

And then I went away on the retreat which caused a profound change in me.

I’ve always hated having my picture taken. I think many photographers do. Anyhow, I really did. I’ve had issues with my looks for as long as I can remember. And this retreat was no exception. I just didn’t want to be photographed. For the first day or two I wore my hair up and didn’t wear any makeup (like always) but then one day, I wore my hair down and one of the girls grabbed my camera to take a photo. The shot was mostly of Nathaniel but I could see my hair in it. And it completely freaked me out.

I cannot even tell you why exactly but that one image caused a complete switch in my brain. My hair, my face, my clothes, they all disgusted me. I mean that literally. I decided that was it and I would not continue to look this way for one more minute. Yes, ideally I would exercise and eat better and look better, etc. And I do plan on doing those things, but I wanted to look and feel better about myself right this minute. Without waiting for the pounds to come off. This wasn’t something hypothetical for me. Not like “I should really do this..” but it was tangible and it was going to happen.

So I made a list of things I wanted to buy, do, and change. Here’s my list from that week (not in order):

1. Cut off my hair. My hair was so long and big that I often wore it up and when it was down, it looked like a lion’s mane. It was often unkempt and I just did not like it. I wanted to cut it so it had to be worn down and I would be more tempted to take care of it. Luckily I happened to have a hairdresser appointment two weeks from then so I got it dyed, cut, and highlighted all in one appointment and I love it. It’s so much easier now.

2. Buy and use basic makeup I don’t wear makeup because I tend to never remove it and it’s too much work. But I like the way it makes me look when I wear little bits of it. So I bought a new mascara (cause mine was many many years old) and I now wear some blush, mascara and lipstick when I go out. Not at home unless we have visitors.

3. Get rid of clothes in closet and shoes It may not seem it, but mom and I got rid of just about everything in my closet and left only the things that fit well and things I loved.

4. Buy a new bra I’ve been nursing for a year and plan to nurse for one more but the nursing bras suck. And the old ones don’t fit just yet. So I bought a pretty, high quality, new bra and once I stop nursing, I will buy another few if I need to. It plays a strong role in looking good, if you have large breasts like I do.

5. Buy a few new clothes I love Thanks to Debi, I finally realized that Anthropologie had some tops that I might love and could fit me even though I am not a size 0. I went with my mom and we bought five new and beautiful tops. I love them and I love wearing them. Even though they are on the fancy side, I will wear them to the movies and to when I pick up David, etc. I don’t care if it’s too fancy. They are for me.

6. Jewelry I asked my mom to bring me some earrings and bracelets if she had any (my mom used to design jewelry) and I put on some earrings I love and a new bracelet with some noisy, dangly bits. She also brought me a new watch. I love them all.

And here we are. This is what I looked like last week. This is my hair after I did it myself (not from the hairdresser who always does an amazing job.)

And one with my awesome parents.

I still need to work on the emotional side of it all but I feel so much better and nothing I did took a lot of effort or money. But I will continue to work on it. I want to look better but most significantly, I want to feel better.