A few years ago, a really good friend of mine was going through some rough times. Instead of calling me to share and lean on, she segregated herself more and more from her surroundings. At one point, she even stopped talking to me altogether.
When I found out about her problems, later on, I was very hurt and angry that she chose to avoid me. I thought that it said a lot of negative things about our closeness. If she couldn’t come to me when she was really down, how could I say that I was there for her?
Over time, she worked through some of her issues on her own and started calling me again; we got back to hanging out and chatting. And I never brought up the distancing herself issue. Even though, deep down I still didn’t fully understand her reasoning and still felt hurt about it.
On Thanksgiving Day, I woke up with pain in my lower back and have been unable to sit for longer than ten minutes at a time since then. I have taken a multitude of medication, which is supposed burn right through my stomach. My nerves are doing the native dance of some foreign tribe.
My psychological state has gotten progressively worse each day since the end of November. Not to say I’m a total mess. Life goes on. I have good days and I have bad days. I have had ups at work, in my personal life and in my personal achievements. I’ve had days when I feel proud of myself and days when I want to hug the world.
But I’ve been avoiding all my close friends. My great friend Cheryl, who sends me encouraging mails almost daily, gets no responses. I haven’t called my best friend Laura in weeks. Emails in my inbox go unanswered for days. Not the ones from new friends, but the ones from old ones. The ones who know me well.
I think I finally understand my friend.
Previously? Dualities.
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