I bought this little egg at Colleen’s store Saffron and Genevieve last weekend in Santa Cruz. There were many eggs with different words like Peace. Love. Calm. but this is the one that immediately spoke to me and I am still not exactly sure why. But when I was picking I couldn’t resist buying this even though it felt so out of character. And now it sits at my table and I love looking at it.
Nathaniel is being more demanding lately. I dare say he’s growing up.
A few extra shots of him today because I couldn’t resist.
Look at those eyelashes.
David got a scooter for his fourth birthday last year but I refused to let him ride it. And when he turned five, I knew I had to give in so while I was away this weekend, he and Jake bought a helmet and today he practiced for the first time. It was quite hard for him and I am not sure how he felt about it but he did say he was going to keep practicing. Crappy photo but still it’s a solid memory so I’m keeping it.
Today was an odd day as I expected. A few loose ends to tie, lots of email to go through and just not able to pull myself together just yet. Still swimming in thoughts and a bit of frustration, a little disappointment, a lot of excitement and ideas, and some major next steps that I’m determined to take.
In 48 hours my Mom and Dad are going to be here. I am so so excited to see them. I haven’t seen my Mom since Nathaniel’s birth (which was amazingly almost 11 months ago) and I haven’t seen my Dad since 2008 Thanksgiving. Way too long. Even though we Skype almost daily, I cannot wait to touch them, hug them, kiss them. I am so grateful that they are making the long long long trip over here.
Note to Self:
Last Wednesday, something happened that turned my mood from happy to sad. It was almost instantaneous and a really noticeable change. For a while, I couldn’t tell what happened. Why was I suddenly so down? and then I realized what it was but still I couldn’t understand the Why. I thought I did but it took me another five days to really understand it. In the end, what caused my sadness was a few little words someone wrote in an email. Few words that to any other person would be completely inconsequential as they probably were to the author too. And yet all it took were those few words to completely undo me. To rush in all my insecurities and make me feel small and inconsequential. Amazing how important word choices can be. Of course, the author of the email was not at fault. There was no way she could have predicted the effect her words would have on me and the email wasn’t even sent only to me (it was a group email) and yet it pulled me down and kept me in a bad, small place for way too long. When I finally realized the reason last night, I learned a lot about myself. I also learned about the power of words, about not taking others’ weaknesses for granted and the ability for someone to misinterpret my words or imbue them with meaning that was never there. This is a scary thought. Imagine how many people I might have hurt or angered without knowing. Especially in a medium like email where there are no facial cues or intonations. This is something that has thrown me for a loop today. But I appreciate the growth and awareness it has brought. It’s all about mindfulness in the end.
Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. I am grateful for my sister. She is such a joy and I got to video chat with her for 5 minutes today and it made me smile all day. I love you Yona.
2. I am grateful for lessons I am learning about myself and that I feel like I am continually growing and evolving.
3. I am grateful for my husband. He is more loving, more generous and kinder every single day. I always tell myself I wish I had my “person” in the world. My one girlfriend I could just be with. Go places, do things, chat with, lean on, laugh with, trust, etc. And you know what, while I might not have that, what I have with my husband is all that and more. He’s my person. All mine and I love him in every single way you can love another human being.
Two Things David’s Grateful For:
1. Riding his scooter!!
2. Playing puppies at school with Joseph and Jace.
You know, I have a girlfriend since high school (friends for 32 years), but I, too, have longed for a close friend, nearby, for a weekly get together. Even though I am quite social, I just have not had the grace to find someone I click with. I had a hard time with that up until the beginning of this new year. I let it go. I feel lucky to have a best friend in my husband, with whom I can talk about anything with and he understands me about 95% of the time. My BFF lives 4 hours away, so we rarely get together because of time, family…but Gordon is always here for me. And I am content with that. Well, more than content because I know that so many marriages are not based on being best friends, which is a blessing I am thankful each and every day. I commend you for realizing your blessing in your husband. Sometimes it takes us a while, but we finally figure it out, don’t we?
Have a wonderful evening. Your Note to Self read like something I have felt when I was still working and how bad I have felt over someone else’s choice of words. Don’t worry.
Monika
thank you, you are right. it is a true blessing. and you’re lucky to have a BFF even if she’s farther away than ideal.
I have been reading your blog everyday on Google reader. I look forward to it. You are a great mother and a wonderful soul to share your feelings so honestly. I thank you for it. It shows me that I have nothing to be afraid of. At times I relate to the emotions and feelings you are experiencing.
Thanks again Karen. Bless your sweet family. Enjoy your time with your Mom and Dad.
Thank you so so much for your incredibly kind words. I appreciate that you took the time to write a comment. I know it’s a precious commodity (time) and I truly truly appreciate it. Bless you, too.
I, too, can so often relate to your feelings, Karen.
It happens to me so often that I get down by reading or hearing a few words by someone and the issue is my interpretation of them, not the thing their author really intended to say. I agree with you that e-mail (or internet forums) are difficult in this, because you can’t hear the tone of the voice, see the person’s mimic or so – and the written words also seem so firm, so “heavy”. Maybe before internet and computers, when someone was writing something – by hand – it was slower and one could pay more attention to what his words could mean or so. Now when we are writing on computer keyboards, it’s so quick, as if we’d talk. But, in my opinion, the “heavier” meaning of the written word remains.
Right now I’m struggling with some bad feelings a comment in an internet forum has started in me. I see other comments and words made about this subject to me through the eyes of this bad feeling and that makes often the problem worse. I think the solution is to be more self-confident, so that this doesn’t touch me this way.
Have a great day and thank you so much for sharing your feelings and thoughts here. It helps me and it inspires me. Thank you.
i totally agree that the solution is more self-confidence. I really really need to work on that.