Inappropriate Wording

I’ve never been good with using the right words when I have to.

As my friend Jessica would fondly tell you, during my first few months in the States, I made a few boo-boos. If someone pissed me off by not meeting my demands immediately, I’d say, “If you don’t give me your notes, I will fuck you.”

As you can tell, these threats didn’t go over very well. My sweet friends would laugh at me and tease me mercilessly. Actually, Jessica retold that story to just about everyone we met for the next four years of our college life. Even today, if we’re together and she is telling someone about me, she’ll ask me if it’s okay to tell the “fuck story.”

Even after I learned how to curse properly, I seem to enjoy using words that push people’s boundaries. I almost always say “I’m going to pee” or “I have my period.” I don’t really understand why certain words are never meant to be used.

I understand that there are cases where manners are crucial. I don’t get up in a meeting and tell the vice presidents and partners in the firm that I have to pee. I just excuse myself. But why can’t I tell a male friend that I have my period? How come shaving and periods are only acceptable subjects to be discussed among women? They’re natural. They occur consistently. What’s the big deal?

So yes, I get my period. If I’m lucky, every month. If not it’s bad news, I guarantee you. And yes, I pee. Several times a day. If not, I’m not drinking enough. And I shave. As often as possible, so little forests don’t grow under my arms, on my legs and anywhere else I don’t want them. When I want to look pretty, I get a manicure or a pedicure. I might even get a facial if I feel in the mood. So there.

Since “it’s that time of the month” is already socially unacceptable to mutter to your boss or such people, I think it’s okay to use the actual word “period” with the rest of the people in your life.

I’m gonna start a taboo-breaking revolution. Even if it’s a one-man one. (or one-woman one as the case my be here.) No more tiptoeing around the issues, dammit.

And if you don’t like that, I will fuck you!

Previously? Look Ma, I’m Bonding.