2022 – Core Desired Feelings

As with all the previous years, I knew I wanted to pick my core desired feelings this year, too. If you want to know more about core desired feelings, please go to my post from 2016 and you can see the links there.

This is the first year in a long time that I knew what I wanted going into the year and I didn’t actually do the exercise. 2021 was a very hard year for me that ended up being an extremely transformative year around a lot of inner work. I had some really really tough moments this year both personally and professionally. I think it ended up being hard enough that I finally had to do what I needed to do to get help and do my own work.

I had a major, random breakthrough in the middle of summer as I was reading a book by Tara Brach with this quote:

Thank you for everything. I have no complaints whatsoever.

I think I was already on the path but that quote is the point I viscerally remember everything changing. I added this quote to my calendar for a daily reminder (it’s still there.) I found a therapist, I extended my coaching at work, I started doing more restorative yoga. I visualized releasing things again and again. As I lay on the ground doing the yoga, I imagined balloons coming out of my body and into the sky with my worries on them. It worked every time.

I added some major questions to ask myself:

• is this mine to carry?
• can i hold this lightly?

There was an OLW class around affirmations, I set a bunch and here are the few that really stuck with me:

• I have all the time I need.
• I am exactly where in supposed to be.
• I choose joy.

I added meditation to my routine. The first time I had a long session, I had this profound realization that brought tears to my eyes:

• I have my own back.
• The ground beneath me is not going anywhere.

These might seem simple to you but they are things I wanted to believe since I was born but never managed to and now I was finding myself connecting with them viscerally.

And then during a recent conversation with my coach, I realized that lowering my expectations, or in fact not having any was very liberating and it gave the people in my life an opportunity to delight me and not disappoint me. And it allowed me to live my life in a non-transactional way. Opportunities for delight is how I want my life to feel.

So walking into this year, I knew exactly what I wanted to hold on to. What core desired feelings I had. I chose: ease, release, space, equanimity and possibility.

I mentioned before that there’s a pattern to my words: I always pick something around peacefulness, something around being brave, something around being kind, something around being open, and then maybe a few new ones. So even in this year, I didn’t really break the trend except maybe with brave but possibility can cover that. And my word this year Joy feels brave to me.

Here’s what I came up with this year and what they each mean to me:

• Ease: This is the peaceful word of this year. I have been feeling full of ease towards the end of this year as a combination of not picking up what’s not mine to carry and holding things lightly and doing a lot of work to release. I want to continue to feel this ease. I want to feel light and move through the world with ease.
• Release: This might be like ease but mostly it’s a prerequisite for me. Surrender and release are really words I’ve kept close this year and they have been profound for my healing. I would like to keep them close.
• Equanimity: This is my word around kindness this year. Equanimity means mental calmness, composure, and evenness of temper, especially in a difficult situation. Emotional stability. I think this will result in unwavering kindness.
• Space: This is the enough/spacious word of this year. I have space to do what i want, to be what i want, i am loved, everything is enough as is. I have my own back. The universe has my back too. All is well. There is enough time and space for all I want.
• Possibility: And this is for hope. For taking chances. For wild and magic. For being open to what can be. For being brave with my life. For taking chances. For joy.

So there we are. I guess we still have a trend. Ease and Release are my peaceful words, space is about being open, possibility is about being brave and equanimity is about being kind.

I love all of these. Most importantly, I can immediately connect with the feeling I get when I say these words. I feel full. I feel content knowing these are the words I want for myself. They feel exciting and loving.

Here’s to a joyful year of releasing, feeling ease and space and approaching the world with equanimity and possibility.