I don’t do well with obligations.
No, not the type you’re supposed to do for work. I have no problem showing up for work every morning, well every morning that I am supposed to show, which for me is three days a week. I have no problem showing up to meetings. I have no problem delivering what I possibly can when I said I would.
I also don’t mean school-related obligations. I complete my assignments on time. I attend each class. I listen, speak up and ask questions. Nor do I mean obligations that include paying bills, feeding the birdie, etc.
What I’m referring to are obligations of one person to another. Unwritten rules. The kind that require a person to act towards another in a manner opposing their actual feelings toward that person. The kind that makes you act, in Elaine Benes’s wise words: fake, fake, fake, fake, fake.
“You really should give her a call? She’s expecting it.”
“We can’t do that! We have obligations.”
“She invited you, you really should invite her.”
I don’t like the idea that someone would invite me to an event out of obligation. Furthermore, I despise the idea that I should behave in a certain manner just because it’s ‘the right thing to do.'”
I understand that there are cases where you do things that you may not like. At work you are at times respectful towards people you might not have a ton of respect for. At a friend’s house, even if you see her parents behave inappropriately, you act appropriately and don’t meddle in family business. We already have a ton of obligations that we don’t have control over, do we really need to fill up the rest of our life fulfilling unnecessary obligations?
I don’t like the idea of calling a friend because I have to. I don’t like the idea of sending a Christmas card because it’s wrong not to. I don’t like the idea of inviting people to my wedding cause it will appear rude if I don’t. I don’t like the idea of having to call or even talk to anyone I don’t particularly like.
Life’s too short to worry about doing everything right. It’s too short to spend your energy on people you don’t care about. Why do I have to waste my precious time being sweet to people I don’t care about and ones who don’t care about me? Why couldn’t everyone just be honest to each other? Aren’t there enough people to genuinely care about?
I don’t mean that you should be malicious to anyone. I just don’t think we should say things we don’t mean. Or invite people that we’d rather not. It just doesn’t seem right that I should waste my time with the fake worries. The fake hellos. The fake smiles. The fake thank yous. Where it’s obvious neither party really gives a crap.
Because then it’s not fair to the people I really do care about.
Previously? Growing Up.
For me, feeling like a grown up came with expecting my first baby. Like you say, you’re never quite ready for it but there comes a point where you’re as ready as you’re ever going to be! The sense of responsibility is quite scary sometimes. Mortgages and jobs can come and go and before kids they’re nice to have but you can live without them, something will turn up soon if they disappear. Being responsible for a life is a completely different kettle of fish! Thankfully, it’s not something I ponder consciously often, the hugeness of it is almost paralysing, for me anyway. Every now and again though it pops into my head and it takes my breath away.