Daily Diary – February 1 2010

I registered David for Kindergarten today. Oh my how the time passes. It wasn’t so long ago that he looked so tiny and couldn’t walk or talk. And now he’s almost off to school. Life really does pass so quickly.

When I came back home, the day turned hectic quickly, not to mention the almost two weeks of work that’s been piling up while we were away and sick. This and next week promise to be rough at work.

And since Nathaniel is going through the “i must lie on your lap and be right on you” phase, I dragged a big bin of toys into my room and encouraged him to explore while I worked.

It worked for a while but it didn’t take him too long to figure out that he wasn’t lying on my lap at which point he indicated clearly that, that was to be remedied asap.

So most of the day went in a blur. Trying to keep the kids happy and get through as much work as possible. I have a bunch more to do tonight before I can rest. And since Nathaniel is spending most of the night unhappy and screaming, I am not getting much rest either. Oh well. C’est la vie.

Note to You:
So many people leave comments here about how much I do and how they don’t know how I do it all and I just wanted to take a moment to let you know that I totally don’t do it all. I know that the web has a tendency to skew things and make you think you know all about someone’s life and it gives you the unfortunate opportunity to compare their best to your worst so I wanted to make sure you knew about the long list of things I DO NOT get done that I think most people do:

I do not cook (maybe once a week and even then really simple things, most people spend a lot of time cooking daily). I do not clean. I put the dishes in the machine and away and wipe the counters but that’s it. I have a wonderful cleaning lady who comes and does the rest of the house. I haven’t even unpacked my vacuum cleaner. (Another thing that a lot of people do daily.) There are nights when my kids get a long nighttime routine with baths, stories, etc. and just as many nights when they go right to sleep. I don’t put make up on. Almost ever. Even these things take time. I rarely ever just watch TV. I am often scrapping, working, or processing photos while I watch TV. I have too many emails sitting in my inbox unanswered. (more than i’d like). I don’t hang out with my friends regularly. (Actually we all hang out very rarely, most of us work a lot and have kids and our lives are too hectic. This is something I’d like to change but haven’t managed to yet.) I also don’t talk on the phone all that much. Besides AMM, I don’t have any online communities I spend time on. I spend no time on Facebook or Twitter and check them maybe once a day and more often once or twice a week. I don’t exercise at all. None. I play with my kids but they also play on their own a lot. David spends a few hours everyday by himself. Drawing, playing, whatever but it’s quiet time where he plays alone, I work and the baby sleeps. Both my kids go to bed between 6-7 so we have reasonable amount of time alone at night.

So here are a list of things I don’t do. Things most people do and things that take time. I use that time to do other things I like to do like reading and art, etc. And it goes in spurts. Some days I am super productive and get three weeks of work/stuff done in two days and then other days I get nothing done all day. I think this is natural and I’ve come to accept it (albeit begrudgingly.) But I wanted to make sure you knew that I slack in a million ways (some of which I am sure you wouldn’t approve of) and I am no super-human.

Note to Self:
I am really uncomfortable with new things and with the unknown. I am one of those people who can eat the same meal every single day and never bore. I like the familiar. This is not to say I don’t like challenges but I do worry about what I don’t know. Today I got a new assignment at work and I know nothing about it. And I was immediately overwhelmed with the responsibility and the not knowing how to fix it all at once. I like to be good at my job and I am always worried about how much I don’t know and how well I want to perform. So what I tend to do is build up a lot of adrenaline from the stress and worry and dive into solving this problem of the “unknown” immediately. And it’s exactly what I did. I stressed and tried to learn all that I could. Except that I can’t really do it until next week so I have to be patient and just hope that when the time comes, I will be able to figure it out. You’d think after a career of 14 years I’d trust myself more but I am still scared, still worried about messing up. I need to breathe more, calmly learn as much as I can, prepare as much as I can and then just trust myself and my abilities more. It will all work out. It always does, even when it doesn’t.

Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. A really high quality public school, right by our house. (A distinguished one even.)
2. Awesome people to work with. Fun, intelligent, kind, generous and so helpful. What more can I ask for?
3. Having someone else do our taxes for once. I hate doing them and I am thankful that someone else can help us.