Fear of Failure

One of the biggest disadvantages of being successful, or having a smooth life is the strong fear of failure that plants its seed in one’s mind.

It might sound cocky to say that I’ve had an easy life, but I’ve been blessed and I’ve tried hard not to take it for granted. I’ve always been a good student, worked hard to make sure my parents’ money wasn’t being wasted on me. I rarely skipped class, and tried to apply myself well. After graduation, I took the right job and have been working in the same firm for almost five years, now. About eight months ago, I decided to work part time so I can volunteer more and take some classes. Even now, I don’t spend a moment being lazy. I am taking eight classes and volunteer five hours a week. I consider my life wonderful and I try hard to appreciate my luck.

One of the things I noticed lately, though, is that I’m scared to take a risk. Even though the idea of dropping it all and living in Italy for a year excites me to no end, I fear I have too much to lose. The voices in my head ask what would happen if I can’t find a job upon my return. I want to try to work from home, or for myself, but I worry about not being able to make it. I spend hours constructing scenarios of what can go wrong. And I’m so busy worrying that I don’t even try.

Sometimes one has to fail to learn that failure is not to be feared. Sometimes the best way to understand that losing your job is not the end of the world is by being fired. Going through hard times and bouncing back shows you that you’re strong and that you will find a way to survive. Humans are much stronger than they appear.

The only way I’m going to know that dropping everything and moving to Rome is a good idea is if I do it. It might even turn out to be a bad idea, but just about anything is a good life experience. True, some lessons aren’t worth their consequences but those are few and far between compared to the ones that are. Each new job, each new risk makes you stronger and shows you your capacity.

Therefore, staying at a job cause I’m scared I might not be able to find another is a bad idea. Just like staying with a boyfriend cause I’m too scared I might never meet a new person is a stupid idea.

So, I’ve decided to make some changes. Some drastic ones and some not so drastic ones. The best time to take risks is when there are fewer people being affected by my decisions. When I have a family, it’ll be harder to pick up and move to another country. I have a few more years before then and I plan to make the most of that time.

Life is about to get exciting.

Previously? Games.