We’re Not Really That Close

“The sense of dislocation was sharpened by the presence, in the center of town, of a single major Western-style high-rise hotel, called the Jing Ling. It was anonymously grand conference-holding, revolving-bar-and-atrium-ridden modern hotel of the sort that generally I heartily dislike but suddenly it was like an oasis to us.” -Douglas Adams in Last Chance to See

Your sense of foreigner and friend is heavily dependent on your environment.

Imagine you live in a small neighborhood and are close friends with Amy and Jenna. All three of you attend the same school, and such spend copious amounts of time together each day. At school, they are your closest friends.

On weekends, you generally tend to hang out with James and Katie. Well, your whole crowd consists of ten people but you’re closest to those two. Katie has another close friend in the group and we’ll call her Angie.

Ordinarily, you don’t consider Angie a really close friend but you probably know a bit more about her than the other seven since she’s friends with your close friend. If you run into her when you’re with Katie, the two of you stop and chat for a few minutes. Katie might even invite her along, depending on what your plans are.

Without Katie, you probably wouldn’t talk to Angie for long, you might acknowledge her with a nod and pass by. Depending on how you feel about Angie, you might not even do that (though, I must say I consider that bad manners.)

Now let’s imagine you’re in Japan and you don’t know a soul. You’re walking down the street and you run into Angie. Assuming Angie hasn’t been a complete bitch to you, you’re quite likely to treat her as a long-lost friend on that crowded street. Relative to the current environment, you and Angie go way back.

I’m even willing to bet that if Jenna, your friend from school, runs into Angie they will treat each other as if they’re good friends. When surrounded by strangers a girl you’ve met once is a buddy.

In the case of Japan, a soul who speaks English or who’s from America might be enough to qualify someone as a friend.

So, as in most things, friendship is relative.

Previously? Humble vs Doormat.