The Only One

I used to be a very private person.

I always thought that my problems were my private business and that no one needed to know those things about me. My mother, on the other hand, believes on the public distribution of information. No matter what the issue was, she’d find a way to bring it up in conversation.

“I was talking to Stella today and she was talking about how she just had a breast reduction and how her doctor was so great….”

“Rita just told me about how her son had his herniation fixed. She says it’s a real simple operation”

Whatever my concern might be, it just so happened that someone else would mention it to my mom that very day.

Yeah, Right.

We’d fight endlessly about how she couldn’t possibly keep anything to herself. Privacy wasn’t something my mom understood very clearly.

Recently I’ve been having a bit of a change of heart on this matter. I still believe in the importance and relevance of a right to privacy. If I want something kept a secret, my family and friends who happened, for one reason or another, to find out about it, should respect my wishes.

The part I’ve been rethinking is the desperate need for secrecy.

While we glorify individuality, I think we all, on some level, feel the need to be a part of something. People like to be able to relate to each other. We feel most alone when we think we’re the only person who’s been faced with an unfair disadvantage.

How come I’m the only person who develops cancer at the age of twenty?

Why do I have to wear braces as an adult? No one else does, I will look like a freak.

The thing is, you’re not alone. You’re never alone. You’re not the only one who has cancer or wears braces as an adult. You’re not the only one who lost a loved one or can’t have a baby. You’re not the only one who’s been cheated on or married an already married person.

While everyone handles a situation in his or her own individual ways and there are no clear-cut solutions to a problem, sometimes all you need to know is that you’re not the only one. And putting aside the emotional benefits, at times there are even practical reasons for sharing.

If you’re suffering from an unusual illness, it might benefit you to share that with someone because they might know of a new cure that’s being tested or a doctor whose specialty is your disease. Why not benefit from that? And you’ll never know about all this information and sources around you unless you speak up.

While I still don’t condone casually bringing up a subject you might be touchy about, I do think that using the people whom you trust around you and sharing isn’t really a bad thing. It’s surprising how much you’ll find out just by saying a few words. It’s amazing how many people are going through or have already gone through the very same thing.

If you knew they could help you, would you talk then? If your answer is yes, then remember that life is not an open notebook and nothing is for free. You must give some to get some.

And if your answer is no, I’d challenge you to give it a try next time. Start with just sharing it with one person. See what happens.

You might be surprised.

Previously? Not So Common.