Weekly Intention: Here we are. After Friday’s post, I’ve been sitting and waiting and thinking and wishing inspiration would strike me and I would find a magical path the “shining person” I wish to become. But, of course, there are no shortcuts in life. If you want something different, you have to show up and do the work to get there.
The wonderful Zewa left a comment asking me: “If you had a client with your personality seeking coaching for your type of “problem”, what would you say, do, think, feel, hear and smell?” Thank you Zewa. I’ve been thinking about this since I read your comment.
The first thing that came to my mind when I read the question was to ask “what would happen if you let all these thoughts go for a week?” What if, just for a week, I didn’t have to strive so hard? Or even strive at all? What if I loved every piece of myself and was just kind and generous to myself for a little while. What would be possible then? Or even for 24 hours? Could I go 24 hours without all this noise in my head?
Honestly, I am not sure. I feel like this voice in my head has been there so long, I am not sure I know how to shut it up. Or even diminish its strength. But I love the idea of it. I know that some people believe turning off the critical voice would make them lethargic. They fear it would kill all the motivation to be/do better. I am not one of those people. I believe that wanting to be/do better is an innate part of me. To be honest, even if it weren’t, so what if I didn’t want to do/be more? What if right here, right now was just good enough? Is that so terrible?
Anyhow, coming back to the question. If I can’t shut down the voice, is there something else I can do? Can I flood my head with love? With overwhelming positive noise to live alongside the critical one? Maybe the trick is to not shut down the negative voices but to build up the positive voice? Just like turning to generosity to counteract scarcity, maybe the trick for criticism is not engaging with it but building a solid foundation of positivity.
So here’s an experiment I will be running for the next week: I am going to flood my life with positivity. Specifically:
- I am going to smile pretty much all the time (even if I am not feeling it.)
- I am going to be kind to everyone, including myself.
- I am going to make a list every day of something magical and wonderful about myself. Something that’s uniquely me.
- When I catch myself thinking and saying negative things, I will counteract them with 2x positive ones.
- I will send kind+loving messages to 3 people in my life every day.
- I will dance/sing loudly for 3 minutes to a song I love every morning.
- When people say kind/nice things to me, I will say thank you and I will write them down.
This is my list. I know that if I do these things, there will be a meaningful change in my days. Let’s see how it feels.
I was talking to Jake earlier this week about something that frustrated me about David’s school and something the parents did. And he reminded me about a story he’d read that week about how things are not happening to us. These people aren’t out to get me. Their intentions aren’t specific to me. I am choosing to interpret events in a particular way but really events are just happening out in the world and they don’t have anything to do with me. Difficult to explain this in abstract terms but I have a tendency to see myself on the outside of things. So each time something happens that perpetuates this story of how I am different, how I don’t belong, how people don’t want to invite me to places/things, I use it as an opportunity to feed the belief I already have about myself. Even though we’ve talked about such things before, it really resonated with me. I am who I show up in the world as. Everything that happens in my life goes through that filter. I interpret life. And I can choose to interpret it differently. This is such a big part of shining. Not only being the best version of me but also seeing the best versions of others. Reflecting that to them. So let’s see if some of these items above will help me interpret life differently.
There’s one more thing I plan to do. I will make a list of the life I want for myself. The one based on my values. If everything were to work out exactly how I wish for it to be, what would the days of my life look like. I will write some of this down towards the end of the week when my meetings are quieter and I am back from Seattle.
This month’s intention is: Rain or Shine: March is a tough month. You often feel like giving up in March. It feels too long. But it’s not. Keep going, You’re doing great. Remember that the trick is to just show up. Keep showing up. I am showing up to Seattle. I am going to show up at David’s school. I am going to show up to my life this week! And I will also show up for my little boy regardless of what news we find out.
Ways to Shine this week:
- One: Bold: I’d like to have honest conversations with my teams in Seattle about the ways in which I can contribute meaningfully.
- Two: Open: Open to possibility this week. Open to being positive. Being unafraid to be me. What would that even look like?
- Three: Heal/Nourish: Well working on this more on the psychological side this week.
I am looking forward to: my trip to Seattle. Seeing work friends in person and then being back home.
This week’s challenges: Three day trip to Seattle will be hectic and long. When I am back Thursday will also be long and tricky splitting my time between David’s school and work. But really the biggest part of this week is some important news we find out for Nathaniel, so if you’re the praying kind, please pray for my little one who has his heart set on being able to move to David’s school. He’s been counting down the days and wishing and hoping and I would love for his little heart to soar with good news.
Top Goals:
- Work: spending quality time with each team. using it to get a jumpstart to Q2.
- Personal: all of what i outlined above.
- Family: create a schedule for spending more time doing projects with the boys and with jake.
I will focus on my core desires (bold, mindful, nourish, love) by: well this week is all about self-love. nourishing my soul. being mindful of my thoughts and bold with the positivity.
This week, I will say yes to: being me, accepting compliments, all things that might make me have fun.
This week, I will say no to: perpetuating negative beliefs.
I am worried that: oh man, of course i am worried i won’t go through with my plans above or that something will happen to make my trip not go as planned or that i will eat badly, do wrong things, say wrong things, blah blah. but this week i am going to choose to believe that all will be ok and put my focus on that instead.
This week, I want to remember: that life is short. I am given these precious days and they are mine. I can squander them or I can savor them. I get to choose. The day will come to an end either way.
After reading your last post and then this one, I found myself nodding my head. Your place right now is probably very similar to a lot of women at your stage of life. Work is fulfilling, but also taxing. Your kids are in that middle place where they not little and in your total control anymore, but also not totally independent. This is the busiest time for them and for you as the parent, but it is also one of the very best times (looking back makes it even better). Being a good partner to your husband is a worthwhile, wonderful thing, but it also takes time and energy. What is left over for you is…not much. It is easy to get lost. What helped me when my three were “in the thick of things” was what I call the power of no. It was hard at first to say no to helping or participating or arranging things, especially for my kids. But, once I learned to do this, or, at the very least to say let me check my calendar so that I could have some breathing room to think before I answered, helped so much to begin taking some time back for me. This is a wonderfully crazy tough amazing time for you. It is okay to be a little selfish and decide what will make you a better you. Know that so many of us mom’s have been there. And, as always, thanks for sharing your story. Women need to talk about their real feelings and pressures.