Unraveling the Year Ahead – 2017

I want to start by saying that this, too, is going to be a VERY long post. These reflective posts are how I make sure to live my life intentionally. They matter to me and I love being able to look back on them in future years. I know that this might not be interesting to many (if not any) of you, so please feel free to skip it. If some of you find it interesting, all the better.

This particular exercise is following Susannah Conway’s Unraveling 2016 sheet. You can download it right here. I split the reflective questions looking back on 2016 in and the questions to help clarify goals/dreams for 2017 into two posts. This is part II, the 2016 reflections are here. All questions are Susannah’s and are copyrighted to her.

1. First, choose a word to guide you through the next 12 months. Pick a word that makes you feel expanded. Encouraged. Inspired. There’s no right or wrong answer so go with your gut. What’s your Word for 2017? SHINE.

2. If you lived and breathed your Word every day in 2017, what would be different for you? I would treat everyone with kindness and openness and I would assume the very best of them and reflect their goodness back to them. I would do the same for myself. I would shine a light into the dark spots of my soul, clean it all out, flood it with light and just let it shine. Let it all be free. I would own who I am and let my whole self shine and then create the space for others to do the same.

3. List some ways you are already experiencing or embodying this Word I don’t think I can think of a way I am doing this right now. I need to break this word down more. Write down what shine looks like. What it feels like. What helps me shine more.

4. What could you do this year to bring more of your Word into your world? I’ve done a lot of physical reminders. The bracelet, the lights, the lava lamp, the word. I think I need other reminders. Maybe something on my phone. Something like changing my passwords again. Something like putting a reminder on my calendar and computer keyboard. An excuse to pause every single day and reflect.

5. Choose four extra words to support your Word this year. They could be anything from inspiring words to names of people to things you want to invest in… My four accompanying words this year are nourish, bold, mindful, and love. Much more on this in a future post.

6. What are you looking forward to in 2017? Making peace with myself. I think one of the things I want to work on the most this year is shining light into the dark corners. Not resigning to the way things have been and that they have to stay that way. Shining light into everything and being willing to let that light wash over me. Because if I can do this, nothing else matters as much. Everything stems from this place.

7. What are you feeling apprehensive about? I feel worried that nothing will change. I will continue to eat badly. I will continue to yell and be impatient. I will continue to allow small things to break me. I will continue to think I am not enough. I will continue to think I will never be enough. This is what I am afraid of the most.

8. What life lessons are you taking with you into 2017? That everything changes and everything stays the same. Everything changes and everything works out. Everything changes and we adapt. So much change has happened this year. David moved to a new school and started middle school. My job moved from Zurich to Sydney and Seattle. My day to day life looks wildly different than it did last year this time. But it’s all ok. We’ve adapted. David loves his school. I love my job. Nathaniel loves second grade. And Jake is still the best person I know. Life moves forward. Things change. I am so scared of change and yet I adapt so beautifully. I just need to have more faith. I need to remember that change is not important. It’s not meaningful. What we make of the change is what matters.

9. What area of your life do you most want to develop in 2017? I want to make peace with being me. Deep down in my soul. I want to wipe out the dark, sad feeling that I have deep deep down. One time, my coach told me that it’s as if I am trying to paint on a black canvas. I am adding colors but they don’t really show because the canvas is black. That resonates with me. It’s how I often feel. I am not sure how much of it is me not giving myself permission to be happy and how much of it is other things, but either way, I don’t believe that I need to carry it forward. I want to put it down. I believe that if I can do this, all the other areas where I would like to make progress are considerably more likely to happen.

10. What part of yourself do you yearn to nurture in 2017? Besides what I mentioned above, there are two things I want to nurture more than others. The first is my body. I want to do a better job taking care of it. This is not to lose weight (though I definitely want that, too) but really because I am getting old and I need to do a better job establishing some routines here. I want to find a form of exercise I can stick to. I want to floss and put cream on more regularly. I want to feed myself nutritious food: eat a lot more vegetables and protein so I can feel stronger and less tired. I want to drink more water and tea and less soda and coffee. I feel like I’ve let things go more and more over time and it’s time to stop. Enough. And the same goes for journaling. I need journaling so I can feel more centered. My life is getting fuller and more complicated. This is not the time to abandon journaling. It’s the time to do it more reguarly.

11. Fast-forward to December 2017. You’re sitting in a cafe?, musing over the last 12 months. Where do you want to be…

1. in your head? (work, dreams, goals) I want to feel proud of the work I’ve done. Feel less scattered, more focused. Feel like I have a grip on the work in Sea and the work in Syd. I want to feel connected to my teams and my work. I want to do a better job of figuring out how to prioritize work items.

2. in your heart? (relationships, family, friends) I want to have spent much more time showing Jake how much he means to me. I want him to feel my love, our connection, my dedication to him. I want to feel his love, too. I want to be able to see it, receive it, and believe it. I want to help my nephews who are going to be moving to the United States this year. I want to be close to my family. I want to spend time teaching my kids again. Spend time playing with them. Spend time listening to them. Spend time being with them. I want to cultivate friendships in David’s school. Find people who are kind.

3. in your soul? (beliefs, practices, self-love) I want to erase everything I know to be true about myself and give myself the benefit of the doubt all the time. I want to assume the best of everyone, including myself. I want to assume people love me, like me, appreciate me, and respect me. That everyone has my best interest in mind. This allows me to be my best self and it makes me my most generous self.

4. in your physical world? (home, health, hobbies) I want to be exercising daily. Eating well and cleanly. I want to be flossing, taking care of my skin, drinking water, and sleeping enough. I want to do art. I want to listen to books. I want to continue to declutter. I want to surround myself with things that bring me joy and feel light.

12. Okay, let’s take it up a notch. Use this page to describe what 2017 looks like in your ideal world. Be speci c! What are your dreams for love this year? Work? Play? Where are you hungry for change? How do you want 2017 to FEEL? Use your answers from the previous pages to craft your ideal vision for the next 12 months. What would saying YES to your life look and feel like? Write out everything your heart desires for this new year. Be bold. Heh. Even though BOLD is one of my words this year, I honestly don’t feel like that’s what I need here. What I really want to feel next year, all day long is strong. I want to feel strong enough to shine my best self. Strong enough to believe others. Strong enough to do the work at work, take care of my kids at home, exercise and eat well, be loving to the people I love so much. Strong enough to be patient and kind. Strong enough to do this day after day after day. What I want is for my everyday to be kinder and stronger. I don’t want to do bold things. I want to be bold enough to show up day after day and do it again and again. It’s easy to do it once. It’s hard to do it seven times in a row. It’s downright incredible to just keep showing up.

13. List 3 unhelpful beliefs about yourself you’re ready to release So here’s the deal: I had some things written down for this and then I kept coming back to them because as much as I don’t mind being open with my thoughts, evolutions, struggles, I wasn’t sure if I wanted these out there so I’ve decided on a compromise. Because I believe strongly in sharing our imperfections and being honest with the world so that the rest of us can feel less alone. I am really disappointed that we don’t grow up in an environment where open sharing isn’t encouraged. I feel like there are some structures in place for some people to share struggles openly but the rest of us just walk around thinking everyone else is more perfect than we are. I think that’s a bad thing and I don’t want to perpetuate it. At the same time while I am ok with personal, I try not to share the private here on the blog. So here’s what I will say. I have beliefs around not being enough, disappointing those i love the most and being at peace in general. When I am the weakest version of myself, these are the things that come to the surface for me and these are the beliefs I’d like to release because I don’t believe they serve me. They don’t make me want to do better, they make me feel defeated and discouraged. I’d like to release these beliefs and give myself grace for the cases where something I did wasn’t enough or cases where I did let down the people I love. I’m human and both of these things will happen. While I certainly would like to make sure they happen infrequently, what I’d like to do is release the way I punish myself and work on handling myself with compassion and grace when they do occur.

14. List 3 duties or commitments you feel ready to let go of in 2017

1. I don’t think I will do the recurring volunteer work at David’s school. Not sure but I don’t think so.

2. Nothing else is coming to mind at the moment. Which is maybe good maybe bad since my life is so super full. But I feel like I do the things I feel strongly about at the moment. I think there will be some work-specific items here.

15. List 3 skills you’d like to learn or improve in 2017

1. I’d like to make more art. Sketching, specifically.

2. I’d like to focus a bit more on math and computer science, so I can do more with my kids.

3. Exercise. I would like to find something I like and improve on it.

16. List 3 books you intend to read this year Well this question almost doesn’t make sense for me. I will read 100+ books this year.

17. How could you bring more calm into your life (and head) this year? Oh, if only I knew. I do think that bringing more peace inward will allow me to be calmer outward. I know the journaling will help. The exercise will help. Remembering to shine and let others light reflect will also help.

18. List 3 things about yourself you positively love

1. My persistence and ability to get things done

2. My fierce love and loyalty to my friends and family

3. My love of learning anything and everything

19. List 3 ways you could be kinder to your body this year

1. Eating more vegetables and protein

2. Exercising daily in some way.

3. Drinking more water.

20. List 3 ways you could connect with loved ones in 2017

1. Writing regular emails to my mother in law.

2. Weekly appointments to chat with my sister.

3. Finding ways to see my nephews.

21. List 3 people you could extend compassion to

1. Myself. I need this.

2. Jake+My kids. I spend more time with them than anyone else.

3. The world. I want to be compassionate towards every single person I meet. I know we are all suffering in different ways. No one’s suffering is more important than someone else’s. They are all personal, deep and hard. I want to remember this. I want to be kind to everyone.

22. How could you bring more love into your life this year? Honestly, by loving myself more. Stressing less. Assuming the best of everything. Everything. Always positive. Always hopeful. I do think this is possible for me. It’s a mindshift. And I can do it. I can see my light. I can see the light of everyone around me. How we’re all wishing to be loved, to be enough, to be valued. I can do this for myself and for everyone around me. This will bring so much more love into my life.

23. List 3 interests/hobbies you would like to explore more in 2017

1. I’d like to go back to taking more photos.

2. I’d like to tell our stories. Our ordinary life stories.

3. I’d like to do art. Paint. Draw.

24. List 3 ways you could feed your imagination this year

1. Go to places I haven’t been. Adventure.

2. Try new things. New media. New materials. New clothes.

3. Read more nonfiction. Interestingly it helps me with my imagination.

25. List 3 ways you could bring more passion into your world this year Honestly I am not sure. I am not even sure what passion means for me. I feel like I am passionate about everything I do. So I feel like I infuse the things I do with it. I am not sure how to interpret this. (Maybe that says a lot about me?!) I can give stereotypical answers like go out on more dates with my husband etc but that’s not the way I want to think about this. I want to make sure I live all the moments of my life passionately. I don’t want to only be passionate towards my husband when we’re on a date. I want all the people in my life to feel my passion towards them, towards my work, towards learning, etc.

26. List 3 dreams you would like to manifest this year (personal or professional)

1. I dream of a life where I feel more ease. Enjoy the life I have while I am experiencing it.

2. I’d love to have Nathaniel also be going to David’s school if that’s the right place for him. I trust the universe to help us figure that out.

3. My dreams around work are all about being effective, organized and helpful. Continuing to have impact.

27. How could you bring more creative energy into your life this year? I think to be able to bring creative energy, I need to have energy at all. For that, I need more sleep. I need to focus on working my days so they are more organized and tighter so that I use my time well. And I need to exercise. I need to eat well so I feel more awake, more energized. I have no problem being creative, I just have been making all the easier choices lately because when I am out of time, I get lazy. I need to start by nourishing my body so that I can nourish my mind and my soul. Creativity lives in my soul.

28. List 3 ways you could bring more mindfulness to your mornings This is something I really do want to work on. The problem is that I don’t really like to wake up early. That’s not entirely true. The problem is that I often have meetings till 9pm and I don’t like to go to sleep without at least taking a little time for myself. And I also don’t like to sleep fewer than eight hours. This means that if I want to wake up at 5:30am, I need to be asleep by 9:30 so the sheer math doesn’t work out here. Either I’m going to have to be ok with getting seven hours of sleep, or I am not going to wake up earlier. I am still leaning towards the latter. However…I can still figure out how to do this better. At the moment, I don’t have a super hectic morning. I wake up, get the kids, pack lunches and make breakfast, shower and we’re pretty much out the door. We’re not rushing or yelling because honestly there isn’t too much time for that. So it’s not hectic but it’s partly because I’ve resigned to not getting anything done. I don’t want to work on changing that. I think that’s not the most fruitful space to tackle at the moment. But I do think there’s room for improvement in the rest of the morning. Most days, I get home from dropping off the kids at 8:20. My first meeting is rarely before 9am, often 9:30 or 10am. That means that I have 40 minutes to 1 hour and 40 minutes. I often waste this time either checking my work email or reading my RSS feeds, or some other thing I could be doing at other times of my day. Since I work late into the night, I’d like to claim this timeslot back. I’d like this to be my morning routine time. This time is 100% in my control (most of the time. There are some notable exceptions when I have to visit Nathaniel’s class or when I have to be at work right at 9am. The most notable exception at the moment is Thursday mornings when I am going to David’s school every week, so we’ll have to come up with an alternative for that day. If I can get the other four days to work I’ll be ok with that. So here’s what I’d like to do on those other mornings:

1. Exercise. I know I hate this but I need to make it a bigger part of my life. I need to find some way to make more peace with it. Some way to make it regular and not as dreadful that I keep wishing I didn’t have to do it. I am so envious of those who love running. Or love working out.

2. Journaling. I think this is likely the single most helpful thing I can do besides the exercise. Journaling helps me get grounded. It helps me connect with myself and see what I’m feeling. It helps me come up with solutions and it helps me feel better again. It’s a miracle cure. And it’s free.

3. I’d add meditation or something like that here but honestly I just want to do the other two. Once I’ve mastered them, I am happy to add more.

29. List 3 ways you could cherish your home this year

1. One thing I want to do is a lot more of decluttering, I love it when it’s sparser and less overwhelming. The garage needs more work. The living room, too. I made a lot of progress. One more area is my wardrobe but I will put that off until I am feeling a bit more centered with my body.

2. I also want to have more lights and flowers in the house. I know flowers are expensive but I can stick to something small and lovely and don’t need to make it grand. Something small on my table will be enough. I’d also like to go back to lighting candles. I like the idea of a subtle smell.

3. And finally, I want to feel comfortable in my house. I want to understand our new routines and ways of living. The kids are older now, and have different patterns and I am not sure what this means about furniture and the way we have the living room organized but I’d love to think about this more.

30. List 3 ways you could connect more deeply with nature in 2017

1. In my heart of hearts, I’d love to be the kind of person who can go on hikes more regularly. Even once a week. But there are two problems. One is that I feel too weak to hike often. I need to work on this separately any way but in the meantime I am not sure how to get around that. The second is the scarcity I feel around time. Driving somewhere to then hike easily consumes half of our weekend day. Considering how much I do during the weekdays, I usually find myself clutching my weekend time. But the fact is I don’t actually do anything super productive with that time. So maybe there’s an interesting compromise to be had here? Not sure about this one, but I think I want to incorporate more hiking/being in the woods into my life.

2. Water. I need more water in my life. Sitting somewhere and looking out into the ocean or any body of water surrounds me with peace. I need to find more ways to bring this into my life.

3. Yes, it’s more time consuming but I really loved the walks I took with the kids everywhere and I miss them. I miss walking while listening to my audiobook. I’d like to walk more again. Just anywhere, everywhere so I can soak in the beauty of the trees/birds/flowers in my day to day life.

31. List 3 places in your city, town or neighbourhood you want to explore

1. I think I’d like to go to Marin more. We never go there and it has some wonderful beaches.

2. Similarly, I’d like to spend more time in the city. San Francisco has some wonderful neighborhoods and we might not live here forever, I’d love to adventure out to a different part of the city every month.

3. Ok this is not my neighborhood but I’d like to explore more of California, too. We always say we will go to Tahoe in the summer or that we will go to Death Valley, or even Yosemite. I want to do these things more. And go north of here with the kids. To see the giant trees. California is magical.

32. How could you bring a sense of groundedness into your life this year? This is a great question because I think groundedness is good for me. It’s calming, centering and reminds me of all that’s here already instead of always worrying about what’s not. I think the easiest path I have to this is journaling. So if I really journal daily, it will be a tremendous help. Another one is possibly a bedtime ritual. Something short but grounding. Maybe five minutes of journaling then, too? Not sure, I need to think about this one.

33. Using your favourite tarot or oracle deck, draw one card for the overall theme of the upcoming year and then a card for each month of 2017. Tip: I like to shufle 3 or 4 packs together to give the reading even greater scope. If you don’t have any decks go to www.susannahconway.com/ cards to see my favourite decks and app recommendations.

I am not into Tarot Decks and I did this last year and found it not to be that inspiring or interesting. However, back in 2013, our January OLW assignment involved setting intentions and I really enjoyed that, so I thought maybe I can do that instead.

• January: Rise and Shine: This is where it starts. Let’s hit the ground running. Start the year with energy and determination. You are strong and you can do anything you set your mind to.

• February: Shine from the Outside In: It might seem counter-intuitive but sometimes it helps to start with the outside. Take care of your body, your skin, your teeth. Dress in a way that makes you feel good. Show up and look the part.

• March: Rain or Shine: March is a tough month. You often feel like giving up in March. It feels too long. But it’s not. Keep going, You’re doing great. Remember that the trick is to just show up. Keep showing up.

• April: Shine Quietly: It’s crucial to take time to reflect. Take this month to reflect on how things are going. Is there anything you need to adjust/change/drop or pick up. It’s ok to shift things. It’s also important to acknowledge what’s working. Take the time to shine some light inward and see what’s going on.

• May: Help others Shine: Ok now it’s others’ turn. It’s time to be the mirror to their light so it can reflect off of you. Think of ways big and small that you can help people in your life see their own light this month. Smile. Show them how amazing they are. Thank them.

• June: Shine Through: Let yourself be seen this month. Express yourself. Be true to you. Own who you are.

• July: Shine Boldly: This builds on June a bit but it’s time to take things up a notch. Be bold. Be brave. Be loud. Shine with all your might.

• August: Shine from the Inside Out: Ok you did the outside in and now it’s time to reflect again. The year is half over. How are you doing? What are you keeping on the inside? Also, it’s time to let others see the real you. Don’t be afraid. Shine.

• September: Shine Patiently:  September is a month of change. New year. Maybe new school. New routines. New season. This month always comes with changes, adjustments, and revisiting of schedules. Be patient with yourself. Be patient with others. Remember to shine. Even if it’s in small doses.

• October: Shine On: You’re doing great. You made it through September. The year is starting its countdown and you can do this. Remember to keep going. Shine on. Don’t stop now. Just one day at a time.

• November: Shine for You: This is your month. Take all the time you need. Shine all your light on yourself. Be kind, practice self-care. Think about the next year and what you want. Think about the rest of this year. You’ve got this.

• December: Shine Slowly: And here it is. The end of one more year. You made it through. Tough times, joyful times. Celebrations and trials. Changes and all. You did it. Time to slow down. Time to make space for the next year. Growth comes after downtime for you. Take this time to store some energy so you can hit the ground running in 2018.

34. 2017 will be the year I finally make peace with me. (Will writing it down make it happen, I wonder?) I so want to be done with this.

35. I will nourish myself with vegetables, water, journaling, quiet time.

36. I will make more time for journaling and exercise. Teaching the boys.

37. I will recharge my batteries by sleeping. Journaling.

38. This year I will open my heart to healing. To feeling whole again. And to seeing the good in every single person.

39. I will pay more attention to my kids. My husband. My family. But also, my thoughts. I want to pay attention to my thoughts so that I can catch them when they are spiraling down. So that I can switch the tone when it’s negative. I believe in the power of positive thinking and I believe in being intentional.

40. I will learn more about:

1. My body. What works for me and what does not. How to have more energy. How to take care of my body better. How to create new habits. Both for nutrition and moving but also for my skin, my gums, and my back.

2. My worries/stress. I find myself worried all the time. Sometimes it’s of things that make sense but many times it’s things that make no sense. I find that my personal tendency is to often assume the worst possible outcome. In just about every situation. I’d like to learn about my triggers. I’d like to teach myself how most of my worries never come true and hope that it might make me worry less over time. I also want to understand some of these triggers better because I know they are what make me yell more often than I’d like.

3. My time. I would like to learn to organize my time in a way that suits me better. I’d like to keep track of how I use my time and what I would like to get done and find a way to connect those things. For example, I know I can create time to exercise daily, to take more photos, and to do more art. I think all of these together would take less than an hour and I’d like to find a way to make this happen. I think this is more a mentality shift and organizational skill than anything else.

41. I will release my attachment to Well I’d like to say that I’ll release my attachment to things going my way but I think that would be a lie. I am not even sure what that means and whether I want it. (Though I feel like I should want it. Especially since it was my first instinctive response to reading the sentence.) Maybe the trick here, too, is understanding why I am attached to getting my way. What do I make that mean? Coming back to the original question, here’s the one that I really want:  I will release my attachment to the idea that something is wrong. My mind always goes to the most negative possible outcome. Always.

42. I wish for 2017 to feel strong. I originally thought light. I want the year to feel light. Lighter. I do. I also want it to feel easy. I want to feel joyful. I want to feel bold. Brave. Kind. Patient. Full. Enough. Nourished. I want to feel so many things. But I think if I had to sum it all up, maybe the best word is strong. I want to feel strong inside out. The best, shining version of myself is already strong. So maybe I just want to feel that version of me.

43. This year I will say NO to anything that makes me feel small.

44. This year I will say YES to things that nourish my body, soul, and mind.

 I wholeheartedly believe that everything is possible in 2017!

As I finish these words I went back to some of my previous blog posts and I am not surprised that I mention many of these same thoughts here, here, and here. I am pretty sure these themes have been in my life in some way or another for many years. I know that they will likely still be around in 2017 and 2018 and onward. What I’d like to do this year is to make a dent. To move things forward a little bit. Every forward step I take moves me in the right direction and that’s all I can ask for.

 Close your eyes for a moment and imagine stepping into the shoes of you from December 2017, one year from now. You are one year older and one year wiser and you’ve lived every day of 2017 fully and completely. You have a message of encouragement about 2017. There’s stuff you want to share… stuff you’re eager to tell yourself. When you’re ready, open your eyes, pick up your pen, and write a letter from your future self, starting with Dear Karen: You did your best. Even when it didn’t seem like it. I know you had the best intentions. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and you will make it. Keep walking. I am proud of you.