Today’s card says: Sometimes choosing not to hurt others ends up meaning you have to choose to hurt yourself. At times, that’s okay but it’s not ok to choose to put others first every single time.
I feel like as women we are more often brought up with the expectation to sacrifice ourselves for others. As mothers, even more so. And I personally think there’s nothing wrong with choosing others over me, many many times. I often choose to do things for my kids because seeing my kids makes me happy. So it’s also sort of choosing for myself. Same goes for my husband, parents, friends, etc.
But as I get older, I realize that it’s easy to go overboard with this. To always choose others. To always sacrifice. For work, for kids, for husband. And there are dangers with that, resentment, expectation of reciprocation, losing sense of self. I think all of these are possible outcomes I’ve seen over the years.
I’ve learned to always ask myself whether I am choosing to do this for them or for me and if I can’t find a way to bring it back to me, I try not to do it. I drive my kids to school because I love having conversations in the car on our way. It’s good for them, good for me. I help my husband because his business doing well makes him happier and when he’s happy, I am really happy. I work harder some times because having the tasks done allows me to relax and be more present. I always try to be aware of why I am making the choice I make. Is this something I value? Something that is for a good cause? And if I always make it about me, then there’s no other person to resent. I don’t think “ugh, i sacrificed myself for him and then he wasn’t even thankful.” This way I am accountable to myself, I am aware of my choices and I own how I feel about it.
But sometimes I still need to remember that I need to choose more time just for myself, just to restore and rebuild my own soul/body/heart. So I need to remember that I am also one of those people I need to sacrifice for. One of those people I need to choose not to hurt.
Choosing Means is a Monthly Project for May 2016. You can read more about my projects for 2016 here.
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