Intents and Purposes

What if I promise that I will respond to your email, but never do?

Would you get mad? Would you be frustrated? Would you think I’m inconsiderate? Thoughtless? Snotty?

What if you then find out I meant to write back to you? I truly intended to, but something happened. Life got in the way. Or I didn’t reply because I’ve been sick. Overwhelmed at work. Out of the city. Depressed.

Does that change your feelings about me and my not having replied to your email?

How much does intent play into your judgement of my behavior? Do you care only about the outcome regardless of what I meant to do? Or do you care that I had noble intentions?

In law, intent plays a crucial role. One of the biggest differences between murder one and the different kinds is intent. “Did you actually plan to kill this person?” is an important question and distinction that the government recognizes.

Yet, in our day to day life we don’t pay much attention to intent. We’re very much about the “bottom-line.” We rarely give people the benefit of the doubt. If we get no reply to an email, we assume the person is blowing us off. We judge the person’s character on that behavior. Or lack thereof.

So which one matters more?

I know the answer’s going to be “it depends.” Almost nothing in life is black and white. There are often cases where we might change our values or beliefs. Maybe we can only make a call on a case by case condition. Maybe it depends on what stopped me. If I was sick, it might have more of a bearing on your forgiving me than if I had work to do. Or maybe it depends on the nature of the act. Not replying to email might not be the end of the world, whereas not showing up for your wedding is more hurtful and therefore less forgivable regardless of my intent.

I don’t have the answers.

Do you?

How much do my intentions really matter?

Previously? The Burn.