Sweet Nathaniel

This is a layout I did for My Mind’s Eye for March.

The right side says: sweet Nathaniel: Today was such a lovely day. We spent the morning together and you made me smile and laugh. You are one of my favorite people in the world. I love you!

Journaling says:
Sweet Nathaniel. This morning, we both woke up really early. 5:46am. I usually spend Saturday mornings surfing the internet and not getting anything done. But this morning, I wanted to spend some together time with you. So I asked you if you’d like to go to Cafe Borrone and sit there until they start serving food. And you said, yes, of course. You always says yes!

I can talk about all the work we did while we sat there and went through your workbook, but this story is not about what we did. It’s about who you are. We sat at Cafe Borrone for ninety minutes. During that time, we worked hard on things you didn’t know but instead of getting tired, you were happy and upbeat the whole time. You joked, you laughed, and you even danced a bit.

At some point, I took out my camera and tried to take photos of you working and you started giggling. Then you started making silly faces. And then you started moving around while giggling and laughing and making faces. You just got happier and sillier with each click.

My first instinct was to tell you to be quiet and sit so I could get a serious photo. I even said “Nathaniel, let me get one normal one and then you can be silly.” But you were so busy having fun that you hardly heard me. That’s when it dawned on me that you were being normal. There was nothing wrong with the way you were being. You weren’t disruptive, you weren’t throwing tantrums, you weren’t bothering anyone. You were being your sweet, happy, funny self.

You were being you.

Nathaniel, one of the best things about you is how full of joy you are. When others’ look at you they can’t help but smile because you’re overflowing with happiness. You’re always so sweet and bouncy and happy that it infects those around you. I can’t tell you the number of people who’ve come up to me and told me how awesome you are. And, they are so right. You are awesome.

You are awesome.

In that moment, when I was taking photos and wishing that you were quieter, more still and subdued, I realized that if I got that photo, it wouldn’t be a photo of you. It would be a posed photo of this kid in my head. The one who’s not nearly as interesting or lovely as you. The one who would pale in comparison to the rainbow that you are. The photo of the quiet, working boy would be such a small sliver of the story of who you are that it’s not even worth telling.

The best part of your story is these blurred photos that burst with energy, joy and giggles. They are what makes you, you. They are what makes us wonder what we did to get so lucky to have you in our lives. I love you with all my heart, my sweet son.