Before we had kids, Jake and I used to go back to Istanbul regularly. Each time we went home, my parents would take me to a new local place and we would always run into people I knew. Always. Istanbul has over 12 million people. Yet we would run into the same people over and over again.
I was flabbergasted by this. Until, I realized, of course, that the people I knew all went to the same few places. This is always the case in a small community. People tend to go to the same places, know the same people, like the same things, and talk about the same issues. Therefore, it should not have surprised me to run into the same people everywhere I went, even in a city with a population of 12 million. It’s like a sub-culture within a big, dense city.
Yet, when the exact same thing happened lately, I failed to recognize it again. The web is even more populated than Istanbul (by quite a bit) yet it felt like everyone whose site I read knew each other. Everyone I was following on Twitter was talking about each other. It felt like I was a voyeur into someone else’s popular clique and I kept feeling like an outsider. Like the rejected girl (as I often have felt in my life.)
Until I realized that the same phenomenon that happened in Istanbul was happening here. I kept running into the same people because I found them by clicking on each other’s blogs. I followed them because one person I followed was following them, etc. Since they referred to each other often (as they are friends) I had soon built a long list of people who were already connected and built that list exactly because they were connected and then I proceeded to forget all about this and feel like an unpopular kid (those childhood feelings are hard to disappear and come back rushing very quickly).
Like Istanbul, the web has niches. In these niches some people are wildly popular even though no one has heard of them outside this relatively small niche. Yet, if you’re observing this niche, it’s really quite easy to lose perspective of it all. And to think this person is more unreachable (untouchable) than they really are. in the end, this is just a bunch of friends who all happen to have blogs, twitter accounts, etc. who are using these popular forms of communication to document and keep in touch with each other. The only difference here is that tens, thousands, millions of people get to observe this if they so choose. This creates an interesting dynamic. One that I am still thinking about and trying to see how I feel about. I am trying to remind myself that this is not me getting rejected. This is a bunch of people I don’t know sharing a piece of themselves and letting me read it.
I am not sure what my point is here, of course. Some days, I feel really sad and want to unfollow many of these people. Then I remember that I chose them cause I like their words, the way they encourage me to think and ponder. And the feeling of rejection is really just living inside me, not coming from these people. Even though I know this, it still sometimes hurts.
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Rejection11 comments to RejectionLeave a Reply |
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I wish I had an Istanbul to compare it to, but I had that very same kind of outside looking in thing. It’s changed more recently, but it isn’t easy when you lead parallel lives and want them to be less that and more interwined.
p.s. I don’t comment often, but your daily photos always bring joy to my day. finally…someone else who takes just as many photos of their kids as I do! 😉
thank you for your kind words! especially about my photos. I always think it must be boring for people who come to my blog to see a bunch of photos of my kids all the time but i love them and they are a big part of who i am so here we are 🙂
Loved this post, made me think and you’re absolutely right.
I love peeping into other’s lives but also feel like an outsider.
I too love the pics you post of your boys, not only because they’re too cute for words but because they remind me of mine when they were that age.
Totally unrelated comment, but I feel that I must write this – and do it today. I read your blog every single day. And almost every time I read your words or see your pictures, I wish to say something – something nice and kind. Because I really, really love this place. But my English is so bad, that I can’t express with the right words what I am really feeling and thinking. So that’s my point – your blog is wonderful. You are wonderful person. Thank you for being here – in this blog, for all of us.
I love this post, sometimes I feel exactly the same way. None of my “real life” friends blog, so the only people I communicate with on the computer are people who I dont know, and so many of them, as you say, seem to already know each other.
I often feel like I am on the outside looking in, I comment on posts that speak to me, and I have a couple of regular readers of my blog, but I don’t feel that “togetherness” that some bloggers seem to have.
I only found your blog three days ago and I love your photographs, your children are gorgeous and you are a talented photographer. I have bookmarked your blog and will be back to visit.
You always manage to push me to think. I also suffered years of rejection, felt like an outsider. In high school, I was known as a non-conformist simply because I didn’t fit in.
You keep taking photos of your boys. I’ll keep looking. Those sad pictures of Nathaniel make me want to pick him up and hug him. Tightly. You can even tell him I’m sending virtual hugs for those sad moments.
You’re one in a million!
{{hugs}} I love your blog because of the beautiful photos you post and all the helpful hints, tips and inspiration. YOU’RE one in a million. 🙂
Like Toni I don`t often comment – often for the same reason.
I read your blog every day, because you are so good at saying things many of us are thinking or reflecting over. And it is very refreshing to read about the everyday life most of us are living.
And I love to see new pictures of your babies:)
(I almost feel like a grandmother looking for new pics of her grandchildren).
I am not sure how I feel about that fact, but I choose to enjoy the pics:)
-elin-
I am sad you are feeling sad.
I completely understand it – my community has slowly and surely become centred around hockey, I reject the idea that this is becoming my social circle, every day. I suffocate in it. Because I’m not one of them I often feel like I’m on the outside looking in.
I have to remind myself that we are there because of a common interest. It is not what defines me, but, for right now, in this moment, it is what we focus on.
I spent most of my childhood feeling acute rejection, starting with my mother and that scary place really does insinuate itself into every pour of my being, every cell is always on guard. I really have managed to control it, to a great degree. Plenty of perspective, certainly raising kids provides an awareness that no amount of therapy ever could.
Please know that you are a member of a very large supportive and fluid community who adore you. You give much of yourself and it is greatly appreciated. And your kids are adorable!
((HUGS))
Hi Karen! This is my first visit to your blog but it won’t be the last. I love your writing and your creativity and I’m adding you to my Google Reader.
I used to feel the same way you do when I visited a forum. I wondered how they acted like they were actually friends. Then one day I decided to stop watching and start posting and an amazing thing happened – those people became my friends to! I have made lots of real friends though sharing and chatting in the forums. I invite you to join us at http://www.jessicasprague.com. The community there is warm and friendly.
Thanks for being willing to share.
{hugs}
Marcie
This is what I love the most about your blog…your candor and honesty is so refreshing. You challenge me to look inward and face my own hurts. This self-reflection reminds me to be strong and know that I’m not alone. Thank you for that! Sprinkle all this with great photos of your family, artistic inspiration, video tutorials, and freebies…I say you have a winning blog with a strong following! I joined as a result of taking your BPS class and am so glad I did.