2015 – Here I come

This is a December layout for My Mind’s Eye:

Journaling reads:
As the year comes to a close, I’ve been thinking about my life and the upcoming year and what I want for myself in 2015. For the last few weeks, I’ve been wanting to plan my projects for the next year and revisit my core desires to see if they are still the same or whether new ones speak to me, now.

Last week, I finally curled up with the book and started answering the questions. I already knew my word for 2015 would be brave which is also going to be one of my Core Desired Feelings for the year. But then I looked through all my journaling and tried to pick out other words that jumped at me.

Serene has been with me for all of 2014 but I know that I am not willing to let that one go. Serenity is really all I seek in the world. As I move to a new job, start getting older and as David starts transitioning out of elementary school, I need to be serene more than ever. I thought briefly about picking equanimity but decided serene is the exact word that speaks to my soul.

The next word that jumped out at me was alive. I want to feel alive. To me, this is even more than engaged. I want to feel fully alive. I want to do things that scare me. I want to have experiences that overwhelm me in all the good ways. I want to feel fully awake and alive in my body. I want to be present for all my days. I want to smile wide, embrace all of myself, and suck out all the marrow of my life.

The next two words belong together. The first one of the two was the one that came to me first. Abundance. I want to have a mentality of abundance. I want to feel the opposite of constricted. I want to feel expansive. I want to feel like there’s so much much more of everything I worry about, time, worthiness, friends, money, opportunities, kindness, and success. I want to feel like we each get our own full pie and that I want to share mine with everyone. With the whole world. I want the kindness and ease that comes with the feeling of abundance. The generosity of life and spirit.

And then, I also want the opposite. I want to be open to receive. I want to be open to others. Open to the universe. Open to the possibilities. I want to allow others to help. Allow others to love me. To cherish me. I want to allow myself to feel everyone’s love and awe and kindness and generosity. I don’t want to question these things, I don’t want to feel undeserving or unworthy or not-belonging. I want to feel open to everyone. To everything. Wide open.

So here are my core desires for 2015. Sort of similar to the ones from 2014 but not completely. I want 2015 to be the year I fully stepped into being myself. The year I fell in love with myself, with everyone around me, with life, with the universe. I want 2015 to be the year I let the serenity spread from the inside out. I want it to be the year I feel abundantly alive and open myself up to life. And I think brave is just the right word for this year since all of these things will require much courage.

I am ready. Bring it on.