Vortex

Anticipation.

Worrying.

Stress.

Anxiety.

Excitement.

I’ve spent the last week playing a game of Wheel of Fortune where the options are one of the above. I give it a push: stress. A harder push: worrying. Am I going to get excitement? Nope. It’s the equivalent of the tiny sliver of triangle with the $10,000 on it. For now, I’m stuck with the others.

Tomorrow? Tomorrow’s a day to pray. Don’t believe in God? I don’t care, pray for me anyway. Have you ever wanted anything so much you can taste it?

I have. I do.

I tend to believe that things happen for a reason. If you truly, really work hard to get something and you can’t get it, maybe it wasn’t meant to happen. That might sound like I believe in destiny, but it’s not exactly that. I guess it’s just that knowing it might be something more than my not getting it makes me feel better. Self-deception, baby, I’m all about that!

Is it better to have tried and failed than to not have tried at all? Do you really want to put yourself out there over and over again? Is it about aiming or is it about enjoying the achievements?

These are the thoughts that are dancing in my mind. I don’t have the answers. I’m not even fully thinking about the questions. I’m not thinking about much right now. Can you tell?

Cross your fingers. Toes.

I want this!

Previously? Don’t Pass Go.