This particular thought has been on my mind often lately. Especially as I count down to my fortieth birthday, I’ve been thinking about the concept of “too late” and about how I had expected my life to turn out and who I had thought I might grow up to be, etc.
I was one of those unusual people who knew what she wanted from a very young age. Before I was in middle school, I already knew I wanted to work with computers (and some form of art ideally) and I knew that I wanted to study in the United States.
As I step back to look at my life now, I joyfully acknowledge that I have had many of my dreams come true. I have now been living in the US for twenty years, I own a home that I love, have a truly wonderful husband who loves me probably as much as any human can, I have two young kids who are gifts that I am grateful for each day. I have a job at a wonderful company who treats its people as well as can be expected from a company. And I get to work with computers and help build a product I care deeply about. I get to coach people who inspire me. I also get to do a lot of art in my spare time and have the honor of designing for a few manufacturers whose products I love.
I am not sure I could have designed a better life if I tried.
And yet.
Of course, it’s far from perfect.
I still think about “what i might have been.” I wonder what that even means. I think about the kind of person I turned out to be. The way I treat the people I love. The peace I seem to yearn for but never allow inside. The changes I would like in my day-to-day life. The amount of stress I am carrying at any moment in time. How much I’d like to do with my kids. How much more I might want to do for myself.
There are parts of me that I wish were fundamentally different.
But then I think, wouldn’t that change everything? If I had been a different person, wouldn’t my life also have turned out differently? Would I be willing to give up all that I have to be this other person? My husband, my kids, my life?
Likely not.
I have always chosen to take the known over unknown. Partly because when I sit down to think about things seriously, I realize that there’s more good about me and my life than the bad. Most of which I wouldn’t be willing to give up in exchange for other possibilities.
However.
This doesn’t mean I couldn’t change and shift things now. In this day and age, forty is not old at all. If I am lucky, I might get to live another fifty years. That’s more years than I’ve been alive so far. It means that instead of being near the end of the road, I am not even halfway yet. So this is no time to give up.
It is definitely not too late to be who I might have been. Every day is a new opportunity to recalibrate. I get to choose who I am each moment. Who I am and who I want to be.
It is not too late to be who I want to be.
I had a lot of dreams at the age of nine and I followed through on almost all. Now that I am almost forty, it’s a good time to sit and make some new ones.
How about you, do you think it’s too late to be what you might have been?
I agree. I also knew from a young age what I wanted my career to be, and I’m exactly where I knew I’d be. The things I didn’t plan/dream about were my family. I always imagined me alone, but here I am, blessed with a husband and two little children. Life is great. My new goals scare me however, because as an adult I’ve developed being fearful, as I think most adults do. Maybe I’ll sit down too and write my new goals down too.
There’s a sense of maturity that comes with age. I felt it to an extreme at 40. Maybe it has to do with life expectations. Who knows. I only know that 40 was a demarcation for me that I remember extremely well. On that day, I decided I was going to be 39 with one year of extra experience. I’m still 39 but now I have 24 years of experience.
Nope, never too late. For me, saying it’s too late means giving up on yourself. It’s like admitting defeat before you even take a step forward. Instead, we have to always keep growing… ultimately keep living fully. I think that wanting more or thinking of what could be… is a positive thing. It keeps you dreaming and aspiring, working and moving forward. Life would be terribly boring if things were just flatlining, if you know what I mean? That is what I think and although we all have our ups and downs, it’s helpful to remember that it’s good to cherish where we are, but still be okay with working for more and looking forward 🙂 Young, old… it’s all relative and your age is just a number! Haha!
I think about that a lot… is it too late for me to start the career I have always wanted?