I’ve been feeling kind of off lately. I can’t think of a word for it except maybe fragile. I feel small, like I am folding into myself. Not sure what it all means or where it’s coming from but here it is.
Tomorrow Nathaniel turns four months old. Most people say that it’s the first few months that are hard. Not so for me. This is where it gets hard for me. Four to Seven months.
The thing is, when the baby was born I expected to put my life on hold. I knew he was going to consume all my free moments. He was going to need nutrition, love, and being cared for. Especially since I’ve done this before with David, I knew it would be overwhelming and all-encompassing. And when Nathaniel came, I dove into it all. I tried to pace myself and keep up a positive attitude. Stuff wasn’t getting done, but that was expected so I wasn’t feeling sad about it. This was the number one priority for now.
But, now, months passed. I feel myself getting anxious and tired and yearning to get my life back on track. Back to the schedule I was on. Back to getting some “me time” and getting some sleep. I am starting work soon and I am worried it might all come crashing down.
This is the time I start getting depressed because it feels like there will never be light at the end of the tunnel. This is when I can’t even remember my life before and I feel like I will never sleep again or do anything for myself again. That overwhelming drowning feeling sweeps in.
I know it will pass. I know he will sleep. I know I will too. But, right now, it just seems so far away.
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Fragile4 comments to FragileLeave a Reply |
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I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. There is really nothing to do but be patient and be kind to yourself. Listen to what your body is telling you, and if you have to, take yourself to the doctor and get things regulated. You are very high energy and go-go-go all the time. Maybe it’s time to slow down – a bit – and reflect instead? Change your timetable up to something that will work better. Or different. For now. (I say this because I was there – after each of my four and I know it stinks.) Really. Be kind to yourself. Nourish your self: body and mind and the rest will take care of itself. Wish there were an easier way 🙂
Remember that Nathaniel needs you but having you in a funk is not going to help you. Hire a sitter and go to sleep for two hours in the middle of the day. Take a hot uninterrupted shower. Well worth the cost. I also got hit with depression at this age = 4 to 7 months. Hardest time for me but the sitter really helped!
Dear Karen, I haven’t had children, so I cannot help you from my experience. But I’m going through a difficult transitional phase myself, and would send you a warm hug and many good wishes to tide over this soon.
You are much loved and cared for, don’t feel fragile, you are much stronger than you feel at the moment. Take it one day at a time, relax, and try to find little things to smile about.
duygularinda o kadar haklisin ki…. oyle zamanlar oluyor insa kendini down hissediyor sanki pili bitiyor. ama maalesef biz galiba duracell pillerdeniz surekli kendi kendini birsekilde sarj etmeli… uykusuz geceler icin kendine kisa hedef koymussun o yuzden hemen pes etme. ben 12 ay vermistim kendime 11 ayda ilk gece uyudugumda moralliydim su anda sana imkansiz gelsede tek pozitiflik 4 aydan itbaren her an pozitife gidecek inan bana… keske daha yakininda olabilsmde yardim debilseydim….. canim kardesim seni seviyorum ha gayret nathanial da buyuyecek 🙂