Teflon vs Velcro

Back when I was listening to Tara Brach regularly, one of the things she mentioned often was how our brains are velcro for bad news and teflon for good news. How the good stuff doesn’t stick and just slips by while the bad stuff gets stuck for an extended period of time.

This morning, as I wrote down my “today i know” journaling, I was thinking about this a lot. I certainly have a tendency to adhere to this rule. And i often take it one step further: when something good happens, I tend to discount my part in it. I got lucky. I happened to be at the right place at the right time. It was the others. the circumstances. On and on. I do everything not to own it.

And yet, when it’s the bad stuff, it’s all about me, baby. I did it. It was my fault. If only I hadn’t done so and so, etc. etc.

As I am writing this, I am wondering if some of this kind of thinking can be attributed to the fraud complex. Here’s me, always waiting for the other shoe to drop. For everyone to realize I don’t know anything. For people to leave me, fire me, etc. And if this is the line of thinking you follow, anything that gives more attention to you (and your accomplishments) will make you freak out more. Because here you are thinking you’re not good enough and instead of the recognition making you feel better, all it does is make you feel even less deserving. It’s like there’s so much farther to fall from now.

And the bad stuff, of course, is readily accepted because that’s what I believe anyway. It’s just other people finding out what I already know.

Messed up indeed.

So knowing that our brain already has a tendency to lead the way of remembering the bad only exacerbates this more. As I was writing all this down this morning, I decided it was important to balance things out more. If the brain has trouble remembering the good and I feel I don’t deserve it, I need to find a way to teach my brain and my soul otherwise.

So how do i do that?

I don’t know. But here’s what I am thinking I will try:

1. Each time something good happens, I will thank the person and nothing more. I won’t put myself down or say I didn’t deserve it or that the credit goes to everyone etc. I won’t boast in any way but I’ll be gracious and short. This is to correct my tendency to undermine myself.

2. Every single day, I will write down one good thing I did that day. Some days it might be as simple as “I showed up even though it was hard.” and other days it will be a big accomplishment. But I will write one every single day. This is to remind myself that I contribute positively to life, family, work, etc positively every day.

3. When someone says something good, after I thank them, I will take a moment alone, close my eyes and lock the words and the feeling in. I will breathe it in. I will allow myself to feel good.

4. I will tell other people one good thing they do each day. A different person each day maybe but I feel like when we focus on kindness outward, it’s less likely we will focus on negativity inwardly.

5. When really good things happen, I will celebrate. I will buy myself something small. Eat a piece of chocolate. Or whatever celebration I can do. I will create a bigger opportunity to add it to my memory bank.

I don’t know if these will help but I can’t see how they will make anything worse.

How about you? Do you have this teflon vs velcro discrepancy? How do you correct for it?