2014 – Core Desires

Last week, I posted about some of my thoughts for 2014 and my three lists, and then Zewa commented with a link to a video about the new Desire Map by Danielle Laporte and she asked me what feelings I was trying to achieve with my goals.

Even though I’d heard about Danielle’s class before, something compelled me to go ahead and watch the video. And then, the strong urge continued until I finished the whole book and half the workbook. It’s like I couldn’t stop until I had my core desires.

So, thanks, Zewa, you made me lose a day and a half of my life 🙂

But, joking aside. This is one of my favorite things about the holiday season. I find that I am even more reflective than usual and I take the time to think, sit with it, and ponder deeply. I take the time to read the whole book in one sitting. I immerse myself in things. And that’s exactly what I did with The Desire Map.

Even though Danielle’s writing (and thoughts) have been hit or miss for me, this book was right on. It came exactly at the right time and was what I needed and wanted to hear.

If you haven’t heard about it, visit Danielle’s site or checkout the video Zewa linked to in this post. The short summary of the idea is that, instead of setting goals and todos for yourself, you identify your core desires. The way you want to feel. And then you set goals that make you feel that way.

Makes sense, doesn’t it?

It did to me.

I spent a bunch of time writing down all the words that came to me. Here’s what my initial list looked like:
present
calm
peaceful
centered
generous
whole + full
spacious
comfortable
engaged
graceful
grateful
joyous
belonging
abundant
free
energized
fit
capable
curious
independent
alive
free of worry, stress, of disappointing others
light
deserving
worthy
inspiring, inspired
awed
inspired
full+empty
lived
fulfilled
purposeful

I then followed some of her instructions to help identify my core desires. I spent some solid time with the dictionary and thesaurus and then I finally ended up with my list of four;

• Serene
• Grace
• Engaged
• Whole

These are my core desires. Even though I am open to the possibility that they might change or shift, they feel really right at the moment. I then expanded them a bit more to be clear on what they mean to me and how they encapsulated some of the other words on my list:

• Serene: Calm, centered, peaceful, quiet, present, spacious, peaceful
• Grace: kind, ease, fluidity, generous, fit, capable, abundant, light
• Engaged: interested, curious, alive, growing, participating, living, awed, purposeful
• Whole: free, worthy, belonging, deserving, capable, independent, full

Of course, they may not mean the same thing to you but this is how they resonate with me.

I wanted to put joy on my list. Cause, after all, who doesn’t want joy? But the thing is, I think what I yearn for the most is contentment. Inner and outer peace. These four things give me that. Joy is nice to have but, for me, it’s really in honor of serenity.

Interestingly, these line up quite closely with my core values, too. The words we came up with for my values are different but the feelings are the same. I have:

• Unconditional Love – this is serene and whole
• Learning – this is engaged
• Peace – serene
• Service – Grace
• Gratitude – serene, whole

Maybe it’s not such a coincidence, I value these things because they make me feel the way I want to feel. Makes perfect sense to me.

After I was done, I thought it would be interesting to go back to my lists and revisit things I want to do with these desires in mind and here’s what came up for me:

1. Of the list of things I want to learn, all the art ones and courses, classes etc are in honor of being engaged. They make me feel engaged. Doing art also makes me feel serene. Learning is exhilarating for me, it keeps me fully engaged.
2. The items on eating and my nails and exercising are to help me feel grace and whole. When I feel stronger and healthier, I feel more independent when I paint my nails or get my hair done, I feel little moments of grace. These are not core to my being but they do help. They also require that I slow down and focus on self-care which increases the feeling of whole-ness.
3. Self-kindness is in honor of serene and whole. When I am kinder to myself, I feel calm and centered. I feel worthy.
4. On the items of doing more of, most of these honor serene. Reading makes me feel calm and centered. Journaling also makes me feel whole. Doing things with my family makes me feel whole and so does capturing those moments. Hiking, eating well, date nights, hugging, loud music (interestingly) helps with serenity. Anything outdoors is for serene. Self-care is for whole and grace.
5. And finally the list of things that fulfill me, volunteering is for grace (actually I feel all four when I volunteer).  When I read the list again and again, I notice that all of these on the list are to honor all four of my desires. Some lean more one way but all of them touch all four of my desires. Way to go.

So there we are. I really liked this exercise and plan to keep my core desires front and center. One of the things I did for myself for 2014 was to buy a ring that said: kind, present, listen. I think if I do those three things, I will honor every one of my core desires.

Thank you, Zewa, as I hope you can tell, your comment made a large tangible impact on my life.