Point of View

I’ve realized that, like many others around me, I’m a victim of ‘limited point of view.’

I remember years of torturous childhood experiences and pain just to be able to hang out with the group of people I was initially thrust in. My parents’ friends’ children. These people, purposefully or not, made me feel worthless on a regular basis. They made fun of my looks, my habits, my opinions, my preferences. Just about everything. They hurt me so much and so to the core that I can recite most of their words even today. I can even tell you exactly where those words were uttered. But I couldn’t even perceive the idea of not hanging out with them. I had no other friends. If I stopped trying to fit in this group, I’d be completely alone. It felt as if I had absolutely no other choice.

A few years later, an opportunity presented itself and I was able to find a new group of friends more accepting and rewarding that the previous, which helped me regain some of my long lost sense of self and allowed me to find even more appropriate friends. The hardest part was straying from the initial path.

Looking back, it’s easy for me to say that I should have left even sooner, I should have made friends of my own. But the fact is, at the time, my limited point of view did not allow for that possibility. It’s hard to seek something that doesn’t even cross your mind, or something that’s clearly not an option for you.

The same thing happened when I graduated from college. Having wanted to study computers since I was ten, I immediately found a job as a programmer and got on the path to ‘success.’ In the first few years I had a lot of tough times. Worked many weekends and late late nights, dealt with irresponsible and immature bosses, took a lot of the stress home with me. There were many times I spent hours crying from frustration and loss of hope. Even though my family and loved ones told me to quit, I never considered it to be an option. I didn’t really see a way out.

It sounds stupid now, but it truly was a lack of point of view at the time. I was so locked in my path that it seemed unthinkable to waver. It took a long time for me to come to terms with my unhappiness and I had to get really miserable before I started taking initiative. And literally within the week I moved into my new job, I wondered what took me so long. I realized that it was easily possible for me to be happy at a job and that I was insane for having suffered as long as I did in my previous one.

Hindsight is always 20/20.

I am now standing at another crossroads in my life. Another case where I am struggling to look at my life from another point of view. Giving up a lucrative job and one that appears successful and amazing to others. A job that I enjoy. This time it’s for a bigger cause. This time I don’t know if things will work out. I’m feeling the same anxiety I’ve felt before. The fear of leaving the comforts of my chosen path. I’m struggling to let it not get to me.

I’m trying to stand on my table and look at it from a different point of view.

Previously? Shortchanged.