Uphill

I simply haven’t had time.

The demanding jetlag refuses to leave. The upcoming wedding has been looming in the not so distant future and the details change hourly. The only thing we know for sure at this point is that Jake and I love each other. Which, I guess, is all that matters.

We spent a weekend talking to three cake people, two photographers, four caterers, two florists, and a band. The amount of money that spills from these people’s mouths so easily appalls me. The amount of work required to do a really simple wedding has begun to overwhelm me. I just want people to come and to have a good time. Is that really so hard?

This weekend is another several-hour drive to meet the officiator. I know it will be over soon. It has to be. May is approaching rapidly. Thankfully.

I came home to an envelope from my job, requiring that I fill college applications and get recommendations. I’ve graduated from college too long ago. I don’t have any professors to write recommendations anymore. My Wall Street boss can’t really speak on behalf of my capacity as an educator. Not to mention the ten hour exam I will have to pass next weekend. I can’t really understand why I do this to myself over and over again. I must truly enjoy major challenges or loathe comfort.

I haven’t even truly begun the apartment hunt, another overwhelming block in my hourly rising battle of getting things done.

So, you see, I want to be pithy. Instead, all I can be is amazed at my ability to keep complicating my life and marvel at my pleasure of torturing myself. Why do I keep striving to make my life more complicated? Why can’t I just relax and enjoy life for a change?

I’m reading “Fast Food Nation” and put it down for the supremely unchallenging Grisham. I sit and watch TV. I run around and repeat details of my wedding to a million strangers. I am tired of giving my address and phone number out.

Things will calm down soon, right?

Previously? Jetlag.