Decision Helping Questions

Carrying with the theme of what I’m discovering from Gretchen’s emails, I wanted to share another one today.

She says:

When I’m reluctant to take a risk or face something uncomfortable, I ask myself these five questions, which, in melodramatic form, I call the “Five Fateful Questions.”

and then shares her five and encourages us to do the same but I decided I wanted to create my own five because some of hers resonated with me but others didn’t.

So when I am trying to make an uncomfortable decision or when I am thinking about something and it’s making me sad, frustrated, uneasy in some way, here’s what I want to ask myself each time:

1. What’s this in service of? What’s the bigger purpose I am trying to serve here? Why is this important? What will be possible if I do this or don’t do this?
2. How will this matter in five years? Will having asked for this or taken this step, etc matter five years from now? Or will it be insignificant? How will this particular thing possibly change the course of my life?
3. Which of my values does this honor? By doing this (or not doing it) how am I honoring who I am. How is it moving me towards living my life more authentically? How am I being more “me”?
4. What’s the worst possible outcome? Since I am a worrier, this one matters a lot. I tend to fear things going horribly wrong. If i really flesh out the worst possible outcome, I can see how this is often not nearly as bad as I might make it in my head.
5. What’s the best possible outcome? Clearly important to balance #4. And also important to help be braver.

These are the four I have for now.

Here’s how I use them. Let’s say I want to ask for a raise. Here are the questions and some possible answers. 

1. What’s this in service of: better schools for my children, being able to afford more vacations together. So it’s in service of better education for my kids, more family time or even what i might consider to be higher quality time. Then I can think about whether these matter and whether I can achieve them without the raise. Do I really need a raise for higher quality time? Will more money really mean better schools for my kids? Will better schools really mean better education? etc. etc.
2. How will this matter in five years? Well, getting a raise now might mean more money saved, more invested, and it might mean i can afford college more easily. It might mean more vacations we’ve taken. It might mean less daily stress on our economic situation. 
3. Which of my values does it honor? Maybe it honors my family and love values that I’d be doing this to provide better opportunities for my children. Or maybe it’s self-worth. Etc.
4. What’s the worst possible outcome? Realistically the worst possible outcome here is that I wouldn’t get the raise. I can’t believe this would lead me to losing my job without my getting belligerent, etc.
5. What’s the best possible outcome? I get a raise even more than I asked for and maybe my manager tells me what a good job I’ve been doing. Yey! 

So there you go. What are some questions you ask?