Here’s something I’ve learned from having spent ten years in a foreign country: it’s easy to judge others.
One would think I could have had this lesson in my home country. Or that it should have nothing to do with countries at all. And one would be right. Being judgmental seems to be human nature. It’s our way of vocalizing something that we don’t approve. It’s our way of criticizing and speaking up. All of which is within one’s right, or it should be. Each person is entitled to his or her own opinion on all matters. The fact that it’s your opinion means it’s yours and no one can tell you otherwise.
So I’ve been working hard at reminding myself that when people criticize my choices, my actions, my thoughts, my feelings and my country, they have a right to feel or think the way they do. What bothers me, however, is the quickness with which people judge. Most people I know never bother to learn all sides of a matter and never care to listen to an opposing view.
If a person wants to upgrade a thought from opinion to declaration or even something that they believe is worth discussing, I think it’s crucial for that person to have completed the appropriate research. I could come to you and say, “I think three-year-old boys are stupider than three-year-old girls.” And if you have any interest in discussing this subject matter with me (which might be debatable after you hear the biased and ignorant way in which I worded my claim) you’d ask me what my sources are. Where is my data? How exactly do I define “stupid”? What is the pool of three-year-olds I have researched? Was this a controlled experiment? For my statement to be anything more than something I pulled out of thin air, I must have some examples and data to back it up.
The same goes for history. It’s easy for someone to have opinions on who did wrong when it comes to some of the world’s major historical blunders. But even with 20/20 hindsight, it’s nearly impossible to prove that one’s opinion is more valid than another’s. It’s easy for you to sit in your chair and say that a country that’s oceans away from your living room should do such-and-such to put a stop to the terrible situation over there. Yet, who are we to say exactly what’s going on?
I’m always amazed at the way people react when they find out that I’m Turkish. Over the ten years, I’ve heard just about anything and everything. How this was our fault and that was our fault, etc. Not that I’m disagreeing about anything specific but I really do doubt that most of these people know anything about Turkey besides the few lines they’ve read in their history books or heard from another opinioned source. At least I’m honest enough to admit that my education and exposure was biased and that I don’t know all the facts. I don’t know the situation and such I am not really willing to pass judgement.
While I completely agree that taking any human’s life is an awful act and we shouldn’t be killing people, especially as aimlessly as it appears to be lately, I also understand how complicated the world is and how near impossible it is to place blame. It’s never one person’s fault. Often times, there are deep-rooted problems that require years and years of work to reach a possible resolution. And maybe I am naive, but I do believe that people don’t enjoy killing others. Even the most evil-seeming ones do it out of a corrupt or confused sense of justice, but not for the sake of senseless murder. Not that it makes it excusable. It just allows me to keep my sense of faith in the world, I suppose.
I love America. To me it’s the homeland I never had. I feel like it’s where I was meant to live all along. And I also love Turkey; it’s a crucial part of my identity, one that I have always been proud to vocalize. And when I hear people criticize either nation, I feel protective urges rise within me. I feel like telling people that they are unappreciative and bitter. But then I listen. In case they have something valuable to say. To hear the meat behind their opinions. To see if they’ve done their research. To find out if it’s anything besides judgmental banter.
So that I can learn.
Previously? Shedding.
Judging others is an unconcious act humans make, it is part of conciousness — but limiting yourself to your first impressions, or being unable to waver from a judgement — in that lies the error.
Nice entry Karen. You’re right about how people like to judge things. I think you can also take that one step further though… We judge because people need to understand and categorize things. I’ve found that no matter who, what or where, people will attempt to classify evertyhing. It’s seems an intrinsic need to give us a foundation for our reactions.
The ability to perform this analysis and still step back from the findings and re-evaluate from another perspective is what most corp-powerhounds call “thinking outside the box”. This is very important especially in today’s world where the initial assessment is often acted upon and if quite often incorrect.