Time Out

I kept journals since the age of ten. I used to write every single day. Ask any friend who’s known me from those days and she’ll tell you that I never traveled anywhere without an oversized diary. I’ve been teased endlessly by friends who claimed they’d read it the minute I walked out the door. Since I was extremelyprivate in those days, many friends got upset at me for choosing my notebooks over them.

But just as many wondered how I found something to write about each and every night. Was my life so interesting that I could write about it pretty much non-stop? The fact is, it wasn’t my life that was so full, it was my mind. My thoughts, my feelings, my observations. Life is so interesting for everyone if only they’d pay attention to their surroundings more. I’d try to explain this to my friends but it’s one of those things that cannot be told, you either know it or you don’t. When I started college, I felt it was more necessary than ever that I keep up with my diaries and record the changes that I was bound to go through.

That lasted all of a month.

If you look through my last dairy. You’d see that it has the same trickling effect I’ve had on the site. My entries from those days started getting shorter and more hurried. Then months came in between and most of the time was spent writing about how it’s been so long since I last wrote.

For years after I graduated college, I regretted never having kept diaries. I had so many memories, so many changes, so many interesting friends and conversations that it sucked not to have a record of it all, not to be able to go back and revisit it. But now I understand it. Now that the same thing is happening.

I’m going through another one of those times when there are a lot of interesting people in my life. People who share their thoughts with me, who listen to my thoughts, who are an outlet for my excessive thinking and feeling problem. And just like in college, I want to maximize my time with them. And just like in college, all my other free time is downtime and I am in need of rest then. Therefore, just like in college, I am falling out of the habit of writing. There is a limited amount of time and I’m spending mine making memories instead of writing about them.

But the guilt about not writing doesn’t go away. No matter how much I tell myself that I need not apologize and that this is for me and etc. I feel bad about the lack of updates and I feel like I’m not fulfilling some sort of duty. So I’ve decided to cut myself some slack. Here’s the story for the next three months:

May – I am getting married in two weeks. My family is coming next week and I’m quite overwhelmed.
June – I am ending a six-year career and starting the new one on the deep end of the pool.
July – I will be living in a dorm in the Bronx for five weeks, teaching and learning how to teach.

Therefore I think it’s only healthy that I stop writing for a bit. At least try and stop the guilt. If you enjoy reading my page, thank you and I have almost two years worth of archives and you can always email me and I will do more than my best to reply asap and make sure to come back in August, I will be writing again. I might even be writing sooner, who knows? I will still try to update the excerpts and pictures as often as it can.

In the meantime, be well. Go out and live.

And wish me luck.