I must admit I am the type of person who thinks a million times before she makes a decision. I’ll go to a store, try the clothing on literally four times and then walk out. Think about it for a week, go back and try it on and then think about it for another week and then I won’t buy it. There are lots of reasons for that nonsense but one of them is that I like to be sure. Whatever that means.
That is not to say I haven’t made any instant decisions in my life. Actually most of the really big ones seem to have been made in a moment. But I tend to chew on it for way too long before I let it go.
I could look at that as insane and insecure or I could look at it as persistent and analytical and committed. Cause when it comes to this job, the only reason I haven’t walked away is because I am committed. So the not-making-decisions-lightly can also mean I don’t walk away.
What is comes down to, however, is that I’ve been eating my brain out for over a month now trying to find out what the right thing to do is. Obviosuly, there is no right thing. But there’s something that I can live with. And it’s not this. This state of being is a nightmare. It’s driving me insane and I need it to go away.
I guess the key is figuring out how.
Karen… I can’t stand seeing you frustrated like this. I’ve been following your current state of being for sometime and I am sorry, but I am at the point where I need to step in and save you. Let me be straight up. You are TOO good for this. You are a genius, a beautiful, smart, intelligent woman who has more strength than a dozen people. In the beginning when you mentioned things were rough, I blew it off thinking your situation will improve with time, but it is has NOT. It is obvious that you never gave up and tried your best, but now it is time to think of yourself. The situation will only worsen if you are doing it just for the sake of commitment. Daphne and I want the “old” Karen back.
Karen, I wish there were some magic way to make this better for you. As much as I admire you for having made this commitment in the first place, it really hurts to think of you dealing with those headaches and that insanity day after day.
I don’t know whether you should stay or go. I’ve met a lot of teachers who hated what they were doing every single day, and made not only themselves, but their students, much happier when they left. I’ve also met others who hated what they were doing every single day, but looked back after a few months (years, decades, whatever) and said that it was possibly one of the best things they could have done in a lifetime.
Whatever you do, please remember this: in the same way that teachers know which students don’t want to be in the classroom, the students know that about their teachers too.
The people I know who remained in teaching for the sake of commitment were usually the ones that did the least for their students. The ones who stayed because they wanted to do this, because they wanted to really help their students, were the ones who made a impact.
I wish you the best of luck whatever you decide.
I’ve been following your website for quite some time and watched with interest as you made the career change. I’m really sorry to hear that it’s not working out like you had expected. I can’t offer any true words of wisdom because I don’t know enough about the situation. But I’ll offer this: with your talent, and intelligence and committment, you have a lot to offer. Maybe being a classroom teacher isn’t where you’re meant to be. Perhaps you could investigate some other ways to use your skills and still work with young people (take the core of what you like about the job and apply it differently). At least taking this step might give you more of a sense of control over your situation (I speak from experience, having gone through an unsucessful career change myself). Best of luck to you during these difficult days. You’ve inspired me so much – I’m hoping that you’ll get through this okay and smile again. Remember, there’s no shame in doing what’s best for *you*.