Reframing

This year has been a challenging one for me. I feel like I fell into some kind of hole back in March and took forever to get out of it. And when I finally did for a few months, school started and my schedule went upside down and some of my peace went along with it. I’ve been working consistently in the last few weeks to bring it back.

One of the things I’ve been doing in this vein is to reframe my thinking. I’ve noticed that my most common point of view is of anxiety and worry. I make a lot of things bigger than they are and then I feel like they will swallow me whole if I don’t do them perfectly. That the world will tilt on its axis.

But the trick, I think, is to do the opposite.

The trick to life, I’m learning, is to show up, be/do your best at that moment, and then just let things be.

That’s pretty much all we can do. All the worrying leading up to things and afterwards is quite pointless. This is not to say there isn’t room for preparation and reflection. Both are useful. But not the anxiety and stress I seem to add. Also not the identity-attribution. No one thing defines me. If I mess up at work, it doesn’t mean I am a worthless person. If I yell at my kid, he will not hate me forever. It doesn’t make me less worthy. To me, each and everything I do seems to be super-most-important. Because somewhere along the line I decided that integrity was of utmost importance to me and that I had to commit to everything with equal vigor.

Here’s what I am learning: not everything is equally important. It’s good to learn to say no and turn things down that I cannot follow through on. But even after all those, not everything on my plate is equally important. If I live as if they are I end up either burning out or stressing out.

And here’s the worst part: for me, my kids and husband are what’s most important. Hands down. But when I am burned out or stressed out, they are the first people I treat badly. Partly cause they are right there and maybe because deep down I know they’ll forgive me.

But they shouldn’t have to.

So I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching and trying to remind myself that I will not be able to do it all equally well. I can show up at this moment and deliver my best and then I have to let it go so I can save my best energy for the most important things and people.

In an effort to reframe, I’ve also been trying to look at things from different points of view. Instead of thinking of something as make or break, I’m reminding myself that it’s an opportunity to learn and grow and if it works out, great, but if not, I’ve learned and that’s valuable on its own. When looking at it as a learning experience, things seem less scary to me. I put less pressure on myself. And when the anxiety is gone, I can be so much more present. Which often allows me to perform better, be more authentic, and feel more empowered.

All because I choose to look at the same thing differently.

It’s not easy to turn off who you are and I know anxiety and worry are a part of who I am but I’ve noticed that this reframing does work and it’s a trick I can use to bring more peace into my life, my tasks.

And anything that brings more peace is always welcome in my life.