I’ve been thinking a lot lately of beginnings and ends. When it’s the right time to walk away. I’ve always found it hard to walk away from commitments. Even if they are just to myself. So I have trouble quitting jobs, ending friendships, stopping a hobby, or even quitting a book.
Years ago, I took a class where I discovered that one of my strengths is commitment. I am reliable. While this is a good trait for many reasons, it can make some parts of my life challenging. Years ago, I was teaching fifth grade in the South Bronx and I really, really struggled. It was clear to everyone that I should walk away from my commitment to TFA. But I couldn’t get myself to do it. I felt like it was a promise and I couldn’t break it no matter what. Even if it was hurting me (or even some of the people around me.) It was, to this day, the hardest decision I made.
There have been times I’ve walked away from jobs and people, of course. I’ve abandoned hobbies. I’ve even stopped reading books. But, most of these cases had one thing in common: I felt pulled forward. I left a job behind because I felt compelled to go in a different direction. So it didn’t feel like walking away from something as much as walking to something else and that if I wanted to go there, I had to let go of where I was. And the pull of the other place was strong enough that it would allow me the strength to shed.
In the last few years, I’ve been struggling with letting go in several areas of my life and I’ve noticed that the reason it’s hard for me is that I don’t feel the pull toward anything else. So it feels more like dropping something for no good reason. And like there will be a void if I let go. Or that I am abandoning more than outgrowing.
Which is, clearly, ridiculous.
One of the downsides to my pattern of not being able to walk away, without having something else to walk to, is that I am never left with empty space. I don’t have a period of doing nothing. I don’t have a pause. And pauses are important.
Pauses are crucial.
They are what give you the breathing room to hear the quiet voices in your head, heart, and soul. They are what push you to explore. When there’s a buzz of activity, like I often have in my life, I don’t tend to pay attention to the quiet voices. They are drowned by the noise. You need silence to hear those. This is why I like to journal. This is why I like to meditate. Those are my ways of giving the quiet voice some room.
And I’m realizing that I need to learn to let things go. Not after I find something new, different, better but when I feel like they are not serving me anymore. When I feel like I am done. So that I don’t drag them around. So that I can create the space where new things can flourish.
Silence can be scary. But the only way I am going to learn to be ok with it is by practice. You do it a little. You wait. You see that the world doesn’t end. Then you do it some more.
So my plan this week is to make a list of things I want to let go. Feelings, thoughts, hobbies, people, commitments, books whatever it is. And then start practicing.
Start creating the empty space.
If blogging is one of the things that you let go of, know you will be missed and there will be a void in my life. But at the same time I would cheer you on for making & acting upon that decision & thinking of you having more time to read to & with your sons would make me happy. All the best. Sara
I think sometimes you have to let go so there’s room for whatever is next even though you haven’t felt a pull to it yet. Just having the ‘pause’ means when something comes bounding towards you it is possible to say yes to the new thing.
Very courageous…
I’m in the exact same place and to hear your thoughts was very reassuring to let some things go. I have always been on overload and don’t know how not to be. thanks for the inspiration.
maybe we can figure it out together 🙂
This was very moving, and I am grateful for having the opportunity to read it. I am just learning this at 50+ years of age, but often need a reminder. I wish I had learned it long ago, as I hurt myself physically and mentally a great deal for many years by not letting go of things that not only did not serve me, but did me much harm.
Sometimes, I unrealistically judge my self-worth by how much I can juggle… how much I can endure. Self-talk helps me to untangle some of this irrational thinking, but it keeps sneaking back up on me. I have thought this way for so many years it’s difficult to change.
Karenika, reading your words was so inspiring and uplifting for me. Know that you are appreciated.
Another inspirational message I am grateful for. Letting go of commitments. I recently struggled with letting go of my Creative Memories part time business. For the last 4 years I have been barely focusing my time and building guilt for not focusing on it. But up until March this year, I was unable to let go for fear of disappointing my customers, Upline and fellow consultants I have grown to adore as friends for the past 16 years as a consultant. I didn’t want to loose the connection we shared so I stayed with it causing me much pain and unnecessary worry. I finally made let it go and have found that I can still have those friends and relationships with out the business. It just takes me reaching out and connecting with them. Thanks for making me see this!
Wow, Karen, this post could be about me too. In fact, I took your bps class about finding time and this was the biggest benefit to me. Letting go of some commitments just because I want to create less activity/more time for downtime activities at home. I too struggle with letting go of obligations, even fun obligations that aren’t working for me anymore. But after taking the class I did it. Dropped a couple of evening commitments. Yes, I still found it very hard to answer when I was asked “why”. But if I’m feeling grumpy and tired when attending fun nights it is time for a break. Glad to hear I’m not the only one who feels this way. Love reading your blog:)