Remembering the Good

A few weeks ago, I was reflecting back upon my life and the different milestones I’ve been through. I did this exercise for Brave Girls’ Soul Restoration class about 18 months ago. I remember it was quite profound and eye-opening then. What I realized recently is that, even though I tend to worry a lot in the present and about the future, I seem to look at the past and mostly remember the good.

I don’t mean far into the past, I still have some rough childhood memories that are bright in my memory. But for anything that happened in the last twenty years, when I look back, none of them seem so bad. I feel like I’ve had a relatively smooth, uninterrupted life. Not just in the big ways (but definitely those too) but in so many little ways too.

I remember most of my life fondly. I feel like each phase served its purpose. I look back upon our years in NYC and remember the trips to Central Park. The library that was so awesome. The cherry blossoms outside our apartment. The movie theater and Borders that were one avenue away. And the bagel store a few blocks down where we spent a lot of Sunday mornings.

I don’t remember the super long and stressful work hours though I know they were there. I don’t remember the frustration with my managers though those were there too. Nor do I remember the endless fights with Jake (especially at the beginning of living together) but I do remember some special anniversary celebrations.

Maybe because there wasn’t one big, bad thing to point at, I just seem to remember it all as a good chapter of my life. The good stuff sticks out more in my memory.

Same goes for Japan, the cross country trip, and San Diego. Even TFA, which was an exceptionally rough time in my life. I just remember so many good moments from all these experiences. Enough to put a smile on my face.

I am not sure why it is that I can look back with no regret and no sorrow but I can’t live this moment with less anxiety and worry. I wonder howcome the two aren’t linked. How come I can be optimistic and pessimistic.

It also made me think a lot about now. And how when I look back upon now, all my struggles will fade away and I’ll remember the good moments of getting to be home with the kids and getting to sit on my couch, etc. So I am going to remember that more when I stress. Remind myself to see the good right now. Those Kodak moments that will stick in my brain. I will pause to pay attention to them now.

And maybe this process will make me more optimistic in the now. Maybe it will help quiet down the worries in my head.

Seems worth a try.