I’ve been doing a lot of writing and thinking lately, partly thanks to the classes I’m taking. As well as Christy’s class that I mentioned yesterday, I’m also taking Ali’s 31 Things class this month, too. I debated a lot with myself over this class, partly cause I was planning on being gone for part of it and I didn’t want to do it halfway and I also wanted to make sure I could take my time with each of the pages. But, in the end, I decided to do it anyway. I did a whole lot of prep so now I feel more confident that I will be able to get through the whole class without stress.
Anyhow, this class has a new “word” everyday to encourage you to write about that topic and yesterday’s topic was “you.” There were some prompts by Ali and as I was filling mine, some of the same thoughts that I’ve had for a few years came back to the surface. With my word, “savor,” this year, I’ve wanted to channel the feeling of calm. Awareness and leaning into the joy, too. But also the calm that comes from being at peace, from not letting things take over.
This morning, I thought I had a meeting at David’s school, so I dropped Nathaniel early and we stopped to get a coffee and then I walked David into his classroom. I still had about 10 minutes before the meeting, so I sat outside in the sunshine and read my mail on my phone. I felt a deep sense of calm. I didn’t have anything I could get done in that ten minutes. I had given myself the time off and I just sat there, basked in the sun. I felt so calm and peaceful.
After I found out the meeting had been cancelled, I drove home and told myself that I would do more of these stolen ten minutes in my day. It’s not good enough to let myself of the hook at home, I need to go out, be in the sun, and just be in that very moment.
And I do think I can do that.
But it’s not enough. What I want to know is how to be calm when everything is happening at once. When people from work are contacting me over IM and my kids are running around making a lot of noise and one of them starts crying and I spill my drink on myself all at the same time. Because these things happen. I seem to have at least four of these every day. Some are smaller moments and others are bigger. But each of them cause me to completely go over the edge. I scream, I feel instantly frustrated, I start seeing black and I lose all sense of reason.
Not to mention calm.
I want to get better at handling these moments. I have two young children. Two boys. I have a demanding job which I am proud of but working hard at. I choose to work from home. I am grateful to work from home. So, since I am marrying my two worlds, and since I love the advantages of that, I’m going to have to find a way to start becoming calmer in the face of chaos.
It’s not even about taking a breath or two (or three). Though I know that helps. But I think I need a more fundamental shift in the way I look at things, in the way I handle things. A combination of changing some things and letting other things go. I haven’t figured out the magic yet. (Far from it.)
But from what I felt of that sense of pure calm and peace today for those ten minutes, I know I want more of it. And even if I can’t be that great during those chaotic moments, I can at least not go to that “bad place.”
Though I’m gonna aim for calm.
Secretly, that’s what I truly want to be.
Karen, Please try not to loose sight of the very limited time that this will be happening. Your boys will both be in school and the calm times will be more frequent. Ignore the IM for a few minutes and go to the boys. That is why you are working from home. Spend five minutes calming them down or having them in a time out and then back to the IM and your still warm cup of coffee or tea. Let your expectations of personal perfection float away. No one expects perfection from you except your own self, and it is always our expectations that hurt us.
I know I am new here, so I hope I don’t get myself blocked, but walk away from the edge. I know I’m 16 and don’t know much (at least that’s what I’m always being told), but girls are always trying to do everything. Guys… we see what has to be done and we just do one thing at a time. Sometimes it’s the easiest first, sometimes the hardest, maybe the quickest, we just want to get through it quickly so we can go surf, or golf, or just hang out. Get an ego and know you are the best one for this job, and the way it gets done is the right way.
Something that helped me when I was finding things too chaotic, though not in the same way as you, was realizing that I have the control. I have the control to choose what to do at that very moment, and then the next moment. We are always choosing what to do in situations, we just forget that, and give control to the external factors going on. For me, just remembering I have the control reminds me that I can choose. Hope that helps 🙂
[…] weeks ago, I signed up for Ali’s Big Picture class called 31 Things. I wrote about it a bit before. The class is almost over (two more days) and I’ve been able to keep up with it partly cause […]
AMen to keeping calm. I have just spent the last 2 days crying and shutting the world out. I hate they way I have been treating others because I am under stress with work. I see me doing it but can’t stop. I need to take your advice and walk away to the sun and take 10 minutes before I expode.