I’m tired and in quite a bit of pain today. I’ve had back and jaw pain for two weeks now and it seems to be regressing instead of improving, so as I sat down to think about what I want to talk about today, nothing came to me. I’ve been feeling like no one is here lately, too. I hope that’s not cause I am disappointing you. It’s been a rough spring here and while I am a little worried about the summer, I am also hoping things are improving now.
So since I didn’t have much to say, I went into my archives. I’ve been writing here since 2000. That’s a long time. I thought maybe I can dig up something pithy for you from the vault. But it turns out I am too tired even for that. As I visited the archives, however, I realized how many things happened in the last ten years of my life. Ten years ago I was:
- working on Wall Street
- living in New York City
- engaged (a month away from getting married)
- volunteering at the New York Society for the Deaf
- taking classes at NYU and the New School and learning Japanese
- accepted to Teach for America
- volunteering at Housing Works Used Book & Cafe (still love that place)
- visiting museums, the opera, and walking a lot
- reading voraciously, writing novels
And my life up until then had been quite amazing. I’d accomplished most of my life goals already. I’d moved to the United States, graduated from the college of my dreams with honors, met the man who would become my best friend and, later, my husband. moved to New York City, lived in London and Tokyo, and finally gotten my green card. I was about to leave a seven-year career on Wall Street to teach in the South Bronx. I was about to get married to my best friend. I felt like life was pretty magical.
What I didn’t know then was that there was so much more to come. So much more magic that I couldn’t even fathom it. In the last ten years, in no particular order, I:
- started and quit being a 5th grade teacher (hardest year of my life, bar none.)
- got married
- took 3-months off to travel across the country with Jake
- visited almost every National Park in the continental US.
- went to the Cayman Islands and went diving
- visited the Seychelles
- moved to San Diego and then to the Bay Area
- took some interesting but crappy jobs
- went camping for the first time
- had my first son
- and then my second son
- accepted a job at Google
- learned to take photographs, started my own photography company, took hundreds of thousands of photos
- learned to scrapbook, got into it quite a bit
- started doing art. drawing. art journaling.
- started exercising
- learned to drive (still working on the freeway)
- made friends, lost friends
- kept reading and reading and reading
- transitioned to work from home full time
- became an American citizen
- owned a first car and then a first home.
And much more. It might not seem like a lot but it is. I got married. I had kids. I moved to the West Coast. And I became a citizen. All of these changed my life in ways I couldn’t have predicted. My husband and kids have given me a deep sense of belonging. My home has given me an opportunity to finally lay down some roots. Even on my worst day, I now feel a sense of peace and belonging in ways I never could have imagined in 2002.
Had you talked to me in 2002, I would have said I’ve already accomplished all my personal goals by then. And maybe I had. I’d moved here, gotten my green card, held a steady job and found a solid partner. What I didn’t know then was that, for me, peace came from a much different source. While all of those things mattered and created the groundwork, my family is what gave me my biggest sense of purpose in my life. Not just being there for them, but also wanting to be the best version of myself around them. They are the source of my drive, joy, and peace. And I am deeply grateful for them. For Jake, without whom none of it would ever have been possible.
And I am grateful for this little slice of the web that’s been with me for the whole journey. The audience and the contents have changed a lot over those twelve years. But I love that I have bits and pieces of my life, my thoughts, my feelings preserved here. I love that I can go back to April 2001 and 2002 and see what I was writing about then. I can see all the high points and the low points and everything in between. It’s magical.
Which is why I write here so often. Even when you’re quiet. Even when I get no comments. Even when I am tired and in pain. Because it feeds my soul to see it, to read the traces of my life. Because I can’t wait to see what the next ten years will bring. And see what new hobby I will tackle next. What I will be thinking about. What joys and sorrows I will face.
And I can’t wait to capture it all here.
I am here. You are a huge source on inspiration, both creatively and life wise, for me right now. Hoping you find some relief for your pain and some time to rest 🙂
thank you so so much for your kind words 🙂
I have you on Google Reader and read every update you make. I don’t often comment but I do read you and hear you. Sometimes I want to shout at you because you are so hard on yourself. Please be gentle with yourself. I am sure you are gentle and loving and kind to Jake and the boys. Give yourself some slack and be all those things to you as well as them.
I’m here…really enjoy your blog and classes! You have fulfilled quit a bucket list! I’m thinking of you as you deal with pain issues.
I am here too, Karen, and stop by daily to read you. In fact, your blog is always my first stop when I catch up with my favourite people. I haven’t been commenting often because things have been hard on my side too. But you have made things immensely better with your insightful posts and generous sharing of yourself, your art and your family. You are a star! Hang in there, it will get better. Things are starting to clear on my side and I am sure they will clear for you too very soon. Much love.
And i am on your side too, even here in the Netherlands. I love your art, i love your openness about struggling life and celebrating life too. Please keep writing!
Yes, I’m here too! Every day! I seldom comment on anyone’s blog, however, we all appreciate knowing we are making a difference to someone, somehow, somewhere. I image you have quite a few faithful readers who come to you to be uplifted, inspired by your art and encouraged by your (often painful) honest writing. I’m sorry to hear about the pain again, you hadn’t written about it for awhile; thought maybe it was under control. Isn’t memory keeping – whether with words or photographs – such a marvelous too! From where I sit, you are one amazing woman with an amazing life!
I’m here! I enjoy your blog and your writing and art and scrapbooking!
Another fan here… I read every single time you post, usually in Google Reader, and often just before I’m dashing out the door to go to work. That usually means little time to post a comment, so I’ll stick my hand up as a “guilty lurker”! 🙂 It’s hard for me to put into words quite what an inspiration and source of encouragement you are through your writing and your artwork. I have immense admiration for you and how you live life to the full. So please know that you aren’t writing to an audience of thin air – there are real live people who value you and your blog! 🙂
I Love reading your posts! Most of the time they are like I am reading my own thoughts, and can’t believe how relevant they are at the time. There have been several that I read over, and over, and over,… You really make me stop and think. I appreciate the time and effort, and more importantly, the insight, that you share with so many. Thank You!!!
I didn’t even mention how much I Love your artwork!
Hang in there, Karen! Have you tried going to a chiropractor? In October, my car was hit by a speeding driver who ran a stop sign. I ended up with whiplash. After all that, I visited a chiropractor who was recommended by a friend. I had back, hip, and neck pain. She helped me through the healing process and gave me tools–stretches, etc that I can use to stay healthy.
I love the variety you offer here on your blog–scrapbooking, art journaling, sketching, weekly family news, book reviews. I like all of it. 🙂
Your look back surely demonstrates the power and treasures in journalling! I’m here, and reading your posts every day! Thanks for sharing!
I too am here – keep going – you are an inspiration to many. Thanks for your classes and your gift of sharing.
I’m here too. always read your emails every morning. Sometimes i dont have time to comment but I have started of folder of your posts that inspire me!
Have a lovely day!
I read you everyday. So much of what you say resonates with me. Keep strong . . . we are here supporting you, the silent majority.
i’m here! and still loving it. 🙂
We are all here! And I hope you find relief from the pain. Your ten year reflection is so interesting…you’ve crafted a fascinating life indeed. Sending good thoughts your way!
Here also. Your on my must read feed in feedly.
I read every post you write. I thoroughly enjoy reading every single word. I admire your strength, courage, and your artistic abilities (to name only a few)! I don’t usually leave comments, but you can be sure that I am one of your many followers, Karen.
Hi Karen,
I echo a lot of the comments already put forward. It was a breath of fresh air to find your blog – you are so honest, finding time to create art even when you work full time, you are an excellent writer! I always read your blog – bur dont often comment. You have inspired me to believe I can find time to create even though I have a busy life, doing your course at big picture scrapbooking helped me to set priorities and a schedule, I have even started a simple blog.
My view is that perhaps you should think about being, and not doing. You have created and achieved so much already, think about relaxing and enjoying your life and let it unfold.
Remember – we are all reading and appreciating what you do – we are not always good at giving feedback.
X Ruth
Oh Karen. I’m so sorry you’re in pain again! The archive of your saga with pain is a vivid memory. I can’t forget how much you suffered last time and I shudder to think that you’re doing it yet again!
I’ve been reading since day one and I remember so many twists and turns in this blog of yours. However, the biggest is when you started posting your art, your scrapping. It became a huge inspiration to me. I read you daily and lurk and watch the boys grow and the happiness in your family photos.
Quite often our lives become chaotic and we don’t have time to post. Certainly, mine does. Yet, I know that coming here will provide me with something. An inspiration. A thought to percolate. A laugh, a smile. It will spark a memory of my own.
We fans cherish you and cheer you. Hang tough! The pain will work itself out!
Hi Karen, I’m here always for the love,support, art, inspiration, wisdom, kindness and more that you offer here on your blog. You are very much like me and help me so much to see things more clearly. Have only found you just a little over a year now and can’t belive your journey this past year so what a treat it was to read all the past things you’ve done. I will have to dig out your old posts and read them. Have always thought it would be cool to visit all the parks, would love to hear and know more about that??!! HOW EXCITING!! You had quite an adventerous life before besing married and kids. How neat the way your life has changed and what you do know, love this.
So sorry to hear about the pain your in, that makes it hard to enjoy anything and it’s hard to be happy when in pain. Hope your doctor can help you SOON!! Be gentle with yourself and on those days you don’t have ideas to post or talk about and are tired, then don’t post. This happens in life and it’s ok, we understand!!
You have a group of cheerleaders here for you Karen, know you have touced us all and we love you!! Feel better and enjoy your weekend.
Karen – I’m here too! I’m always so impressed by your willingness to learn new things, your discipline to use your time constructively, all the art you create and especially what a good mother you are. Knowing that you can do this while in pain – well, that’s incredible. I kept having severe back pain on and off for years, it strikes up every 6 months or so. The last bout was terrible, massage, yoga and stretches help but only so much. Then I transitioned to sleeping on my side instead of on my tummy. I’ve been a tummy sleeper all my life but apparently it’s the worst position for your back. Now I sleep with a pillow on my side. It was tough to adjust but my back hurts so much less in the mornings.
Karen, I love your blog and read it almost every day. You are a true source of inspiration. I wonder how you do all the things you do every day. I love your sketches and artwork. I loved your weekly gratitude series. I tried and it lasted 5 weeks. Thanks for posting daily.
I too am here Karen!! I have enjoyed your blog, your art, getting to see your family every week and how your boys are changing and their art. You have inspired me so much that I can’t even explain but I will try. The first time I saw you was in Creative Jump Start 2012. Yes, I know, I was late finding you but it was at the perfect time for me. When I saw your video, it was like you (metaphorically) grabbed a chair, walked over to my heart and sat down. I trust your words, I appreciate how you share your vulnerability and strength with us. I love your honesty the most. Just seeing your art seems like the perfect gift at the perfect time. I also love the fact that we were both 5th grade teachers!! Wow!!! And my husband’s mom was born in Turkey. It truly is a small world and I am so grateful for your calming, insightful voice in this crazy, often loud world. We are all going through a lot of the same things and if anything, your words help us ‘hold hands’ as women trying to enjoy and understand life. Thank you from my heart!!!
Karen, I just started following your blog because Big Picture Class- Reclaiming Your Time. I turned 60th this month and I love to hear about your family; it helps me keep my memories alive. You have given me the courage to begin drawing, to develop my love of photography and to try new creative things in scrapbooking. Although, I still have a long way to go in time management. I am amazed at all you have accomplished and continue to accomplish while in such pain. Take care of yourself.
Kathy
I stop by your blog every day! You always help me to feel inspired and uplifted and so much of what you write makes me think “yes! Me too!”
You are not alone! Most of us probably have to plead that we are “too busy” to leave a comment every day that we come to your blog to read. I have to admit to only posting maybe once a week. Yet I can assure you that I read or at least look at every post. Don’t be discouraged by the lack of comments. In fact most people who blog rarely get comments, unless they belong to a number of message boards where they leave comments that they have posted to drive traffic to their blog so you are far above average with the number of posts you often get. Isn’t it amazing how we can receive much more than we would have ever thought possible by following our dreams? Get some loving attention for your aching back and jaw, sounds like you need a massage or other kinds of body work.
I’m here too. You make me want to go back into your archives and catch up, as I only found you a year ago. Hope the pain gets better soon.
I’m still her, waiting and loving every post of yours.
I’ve been reading your blog for quite some time as well. I can echo all the comments here also. Your thoughts on various subjects always makes me think and I admire how much you do. Your talent is obvious in all you do. Get better soon and don’t be so hard on yourself. It is always easier to see our own faults instead of the good things in our lives. Enjoy your family. They grow up so fast (my boys…all five of them…are all grown up now) and I miss those days when they were little boys under my feet. I read your blog most every day and feel grateful for the opportunity.
I so enjoy these posts, especially when you talk about your goals, what you have accomplished and your challenges.
I’m here too. Got you on Google Reader too so that I won’t miss your posts. We’re all here, caught up with life but still following your blog. Don’t worry. Get well soon. As we like to say here, take it easy, Mate.
Present!
You see…there are LOTS of us “here” with you, even when it is silent!
Reading through your list of accomplishments and dreams experienced, I realized that for many people completing just one or two items from that list would be amazing! It’s so cool what a wide variety of experiences you have had…
And yes, there will be others around you, watching and celebrating with you as you add more and more things to your life-list of experiences!
Yup, I am here too. I have you on Google Reader and I check it everyday unless I am away or in too much pain. I am here and will be for a long time to come. You inspire me. You educate me. Simply put, I need you in my life 😀
For someone who was too tired and in pain to be pithy I found this inspirational and honest in a way that moved me. I have you in my google reader and whilst I don’t have time to comment on each post that moves me I do try to comment on those that grab my attention the most. I’ve enjoyed seeing your art develop and seeing the projects with the boys as that so reminds me of that stage in my parenting.
thanks for sharing, for bring honest, for reminding me again what is important and what choices I make are how I spend my life. Always good to have that mentioned again.
As you see from all the comments, there are many of us out here reading and enjoying your blog! Seriously, you write things that I feel and think but am not able to put them into words the way you do. I appreciate your blog and your thoughts. I hope you feel better soon. Keep writing and drawing! You inspire more people than you can ever know!