Learning to Grow

This past weekend Jake went down to San Diego for a meeting. He sits on the board of a nonprofit down there and they had all-day meetings on Saturday. He drove down on Friday and spent the night at a good friend’s house. On Saturday morning, he called me on the way to the meetings and told me that our car had been broken into and two, relatively inexpensive, pieces of equipment were stolen. But of course the window was smashed and needed to be replaced.

My first instinct was to freak out.

My second instinct was to take control and tell him exactly what he needed to do.

My third instinct was to yell at him for leaving the car and going to the meeting anyway.

Thankfully, I did none of the above. I looked over at my kids as a reminder to myself that they were safe and sound. I told my husband, who also was obviously safe and sound, that I loved him and that I was sorry he had to go through this. And then I let him go.

I will admit that a little while later, I felt my anxiety increase. I called him back and asked him if they wouldn’t steal the car now that it had no window. I also told him I thought it was bad that he left to go to the meeting anyway. He was in the car with the woman who started the nonprofit and I could tell he was uncomfortable. I stopped myself and told him he was lucky his friend (with whom he’d stayed the night before) was helping him and to just keep me posted.

I then texted him once and then texted again apologizing and telling him that I was just worried and sad for him. I told him I loved him and hoped that it would work out.

After that, I opened my notebook and journaled for a whole page. I reminded myself to have faith in my husband and that things would get fixed even if I wasn’t the one to fix them. That’s the thing with type-a fixer people like me. We think our way is the only way things will get done.

And it’s not true.

Things can get done many ways. Things often do work out in the end. And if people like me don’t step in and take charge, other people step up and get it done. I reminded myself that I trusted and loved my husband and I truly had faith in him. And I really did feel really sad that he had to go through this alone when he was away. I wrote and wrote until I felt the rage and the worry leave my body.

I decided I was far away and couldn’t fix it personally. So, instead, I would just let it go and have faith things would work out.

And, of course, they did.

My husband’s friend helped him and he had a brand new window before he got back from his meetings. Then, his other friend helped him vacuum out the car so all the glass was out and the car was dry. So before Jake had to drive back North, the car was almost as good as new with relatively minimal loss and aggravation.

I realized that this was the perfect example of how everything that happens to you in life gives you an opportunity to learn and grow. I am grateful that it happened while I wasn’t there so I was forced to take a step back and work on myself and how I handle these situations. I am hoping that I can remember this next time something happens. Not that I hope anything happens but, you know, life always has ups and downs.

If nothing else, it was an exercise in learning to grow.