This morning I was reading to David as he ate his cereal. He was eating it so fast that it drove me insane. I said “You need to first chew your food and then put more in your mouth, David, this is not a race.”
And then he told me that when he and Nathaniel are eating vegetables I encourage them to race. He said that when Nathaniel finishes first I always say “Good job, Nathaniel.”
“So does that mean you did a bad job, David?” I asked.
“Yes,” he answered unequivocally.
I put my book down and told him that he shouldn’t interpret it that way. Nathaniel got a “good job” because he finished his food in a timely manner and didn’t play with it and ate all the vegetables. I explained that when he does the same thing, he also gets a “good job,” there isn’t only one to get.
I then explained to him that the only person he should be competing with, in life, is himself.
I firmly believe that what makes us most successful is when we strive to become a better version of ourselves. (And not better than someone else.) In my experience, each time I tried to compare myself to someone external source, it’s led to frustration and disappointment. And, often, failure.
There are situations where one might feel like life is a competition against others but I think, in all the areas that matter, all we need to do is be the best version of ourselves we can be.
Even in a relationship, I feel like if I can just focus on bettering myself, my attitude, my expectations, my reaction, etc. I am much more likely to be successful than if I compare my efforts to the other person’s. Same goes for career and school, etc. Each of us is different and we all have different capabilities. Different strengths and weaknesses. Different ways and speeds of learning and growing. And I think comparing to others is just a path to frustration.
Not only that, it’s also a copout. Sometimes you can do MUCH better than others. Why wouldn’t you want to? And, I feel like being others-focused means you’re not working to grow in the ways you might want to. You’re letting others make the decision on what you should work on next. You’re letting others dictate your life.
How can that be a good thing?
So I told David that all I will expect from him is that he works to be a better version of himself. Not the best reader in class but a better reader than he was yesterday, etc. I explained that, it’s what I try to do in my life and that I will never compare him to Nathaniel or vice versa. I will only compare him to him.
This is something I try to make sure to stay focused on regularly. Am I doing something because I am trying to be something someone else is? Maybe it’s someone I admire or look up to. But even then, it’s better for me to admire them and be grateful that they inspire me, but not to try to be like them.
I am me and I am most powerful when I focus on who I am and how I work.
I love all your posts; you are so articulate! The best version of me! That is certainly journal worthy 🙂
I think I’ve finally figured it out; you use lots of paper punches on your layouts! Thats how you get all those lovely borders and cutouts!
Do you have a few favorites?
thank you so much!
yes i use a lot of puches! I like them all! butterflies and hearts are my favorite normal punches. for borders i like anything ornamental and not theme-specific 😉 and thank you for your kind words and I am SO glad you’re exercising too!!!
and…thank you for your exercise inspiration! I just started walking a month ago and I’m doing two miles a day. Who would have ever thunk!! Your commitment…to just about everything you set your mind to…is awesome 🙂
Thank you for your wise words Karen!!! I need them as much if not more than my kids! In today’s culture there is so much pressure to be smarter, thinner, richer, prettier than the next person and it is all too easy to be sucked into this mindset. Your words remind me how riduculous it is to compare myself to a 6’1″, 17yr old model in an advertisement (I’m 5’1″, 41 yrs.old). To strive to be the best me I can be is a fantastic model of living I can give my kids.
Thank you!!!!
Gosh, this is the message we ALL as mothers (or fathers or grandparents or teachers) need to hear. Thank you SO much for this post today. You are so true to yourself, and I’ve always admired that. I read all of your posts and don’t comment nearly often enough, but this was just one that begged me to do so. Thank you.
Excellent advise! Thank you for sharing this experience, and for the inspiration to watch what I try to compete with. This is a thought I will work on now.
Aw, this post reminds me of my brother. That is exactly his motto in life “Better than yesterday” – a better me than yesterday 😀 thank u karen!
Wow I think this was really good advice that can apply to kids as well as adults think how easy life would be if we embrace who we already are instead of being a poor version of someone else.
What a great lesson in life…a wonderful thing to be teaching your kids, too. But I think probably adults need to realize this same lesson. I agree with your statement about trying to be like someone else and how it usually ends in frustration. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I will definitely be trying to be a better me, everyday…there are no limits!
well said!!
I am going to print this and read it to my family tonight. I LOVE it! Thanks for the inspiration!