Looking for the Good

David’s new school has a school-wide meeting every Monday morning. During these, they discuss school-wide issues. Last week, it was talking about school rules. This week it was about good wolf vs. bad wolf. Here’s the story copied from their speech:

An old Cherokee chief was trying to teach his grandson about life. He said, “A fight is going on inside of me. It’s a terrible fight between two wolves. One wolf is evil. He’s angry, envy, sorrow, regret, arrogance, self-pity, resentment, and ego. The other wolf inside of me is good. He’s joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, kindness, empathy, generosity, and truth. This fight is going on inside of me and inside of you as well. It’s inside every person.” The grandson thought for a moment and said, “Grandfather, which wolf will win?” The grandfather said, “Whichever one you feed.”

When we are angry and mean and we think unkind thoughts, we feed the evil wolf side and it becomes stronger. But when we’re kind and thoughtful, we feed and strengthen the good wolf side. We should try to make our good wolf side stronger. Since the grandfather says the wolf we feed gets stronger, we want to feed the good wolf side and starve the evil wolf side.

This got me thinking about my goals for this year. One of my goals this year was to be free of my past and the things I get hung up on. Stop worrying constantly and start appreciating the good things around me.

I think the Good Wolf and the Bad Wolf analogy applies to the way we look at life, too. I know that on my rough days, I look around and only see the bad things about my life. I see the piles of dishes in the sink or toys on the floor. I see where I’m failing or where I am not doing enough. It’s a dark day so everything I see is dark. I look for the bad.

And then there are those wonderful days where I feel really happy. All I see is the good stuff. No one can knock me down. I love my kids, my house, my husband, my life. I feel on top of the world and super-duper lucky.

Both of these days exist but they are rare. Most of the time life is just ordinary. I am not in that bad place but I am also not at the top of the mountain. And since these kinds of days are way more frequent, I think what I do on these kinds of days is what matters most.

It is on these kinds of days that I need to feed the Good Wolf of my life. Not just be kind to others but also be kind to myself. And positive about my life. I’ve learned that the same situation can be seen from many points of view. And the trick to happiness is looking for the good. For example, I can whine about how I have to get up at 5:30 to exercise or I can feel good about having some time completely to myself. I can stop taking the family photos because my hair isn’t colored, or I can just focus on all the smiles in our eyes. There’s always something to pick on if you want to be negative.

And there’s always something to smile about if you look for it.

That’s one of the reasons I do the gratitude journal every day. It forces me to take a moment and notice the good in my life. Every single day. And realizing that there’s something good every single day is very powerful. It makes you appreciate your life on an altogether new level.

I think “looking for the good” is one of the biggest changes I can do to actually feel happier. Maybe it’s called being optimistic. But when I think of words like optimistic or pessimistic, I think of the future. Like how you think the future will turn out. Looking for the good is all about the present. Looking at a situation right now and seeing the good in it. Seeing the magic in it. Figuring out what works (and not what doesn’t.) I do think this is a characteristic and something I can nurture in myself (and my kids.)

When David came home and told me about this story, he said he wants to add two more wolves “Happy Wolf” and “Sad Wolf” and they’re not fighting each other, he said. So you can feed the sad one every now and then but that you should try to feed the “Happy Wolf” more often. I like this because it shows that both happy and sad feelings exist and are legitimate. While it’s realistic to think we can work to be good most of the time, it’s unrealistic to assume sad feelings won’t ever exist.

But it is possible to feed the happy wolf more. It is possible to look at the good in things. Sometimes you have to search really hard but almost always there’s something you can find. And, like most things in life, the more you try, the easier it gets.

You just have to choose to look.