Conflicting Priorities

One of my non-ending struggles is to find a way to “have-it-all.”



I am constantly trying to decide what I should do and what I am willing
to give up in return. Often times, I am not willing to give up anything
completely so I try to do it all and I don’t have enough time to spread
across all so I end up doing a sub-par job at each and I get really
frustrated.

Back when I used to write, I’d always get annoyed that people around me
seemed to send out their stories more often or write so much more than I
did. Of course, many of them had no job or an easy 9-5 job as opposed to
my Wall Street insanity. Today, I face the same struggles. When I don’t
reach a goal as fast as the person next to me, or don’t reach it at all,
I get endlessly disappointed in myself. I feel like life is unfair. I’m
working just as hard as this person but I am not getting the credit.

The fact is I am not. This person is only doing the one thing. I am
doing seventeen things. When I distribute my attention and brain power
across that many things, there’s low chance I will do as well as the
next person (unless they are naturally a lot less skilled than I am,
which is rarely the case.) and it’s not fair for me to expect to.

Yet, I still do and I still get sad when I don’t get the recognition or
the opportunities others do. But then I try to step back and remember
why I do what I do and remember that the next step may not actually be
the best step for me to take. Sometimes opportunities aren’t actually in
the direction I want to go and it’s hard to pull myself away enough to
remember that point.

So this is here to remind me. The next step in the ladder isn’t always
the best step for me. There’s so much more to my life than the
accomplishments. Recognition. Being over-accomplished is over-rated. And often not
worth giving up the “other stuff” for.

For the next time I forget.