I’ve been thinking a lot lately again and like before I originally thought these would end up as individual posts but I can’t seem to find the time (or more like motivation) to sit and write it all out so I am going to try this quicker version instead.
17. I read a young adult book last week where the main character was in high school and she’s super popular. In the story, the girl is living her last day (she dies in a car crash) and then gets up the next morning to live her last day again (and again and again.) There are many plot points but the gist of it is that several small and big events happen on this one day and as she relives the day she changes events. The obvious part is that the small things we do (or don’t do) have profound effects on others (and us.) But the part that really really blew my mind was completely unrelated. At some point in the story, one of these super-popular girls (let’s call her L) does something mean (she writes something nasty and a girl’s name on a wall which then others copy all over the school.) Later on, as her friend is re-living her days she mentions that L had no ill-will towards this girl whose name she scrawled on the wall. The dead girl tells us it was completely random. She says in all likeliness L was testing a new pen and needed something to scrawl. It’s that random. That’s what struck me. I had a lot of mean friends as a kid and while some might have been a bit personal, most weren’t. They were random, they didn’t mean anything at all. Nothing. And yet, I’ve carried it and lived with it and defined myself around these meannesses for most of my life. I am sure I am not expressing this clearly because I promise you that it was life changing for me. It has shifted me to my core to have this realization and I am still digesting it.
18. Something else I noticed last week is that our dreams constantly shift and change. At least mine do. And it’s important to pay attention so that you don’t accidentally walk into some path that you’re actually no longer interested in. I had this realization because something I wished deeply for a year ago suddenly popped up in my life last week. It was an incredible opportunity, almost as if this person had read my wish list. And yet, when the opportunity came up, I felt no excitement. Actually I felt a little sad because I knew it had been such a dream and here it was coming true and I didn’t really care for it. It felt cumbersome. The important part here is to continually pay attention to the path you are walking to ensure it’s still moving in the direction you intend to move. Things change and if we don’t pay attention we find ourselves on a road we don’t really want to be on anymore.
19. This is a bit similar to the one above but another lesson I learned is that just because someone else is giving you an opportunity doesn’t mean you should take it. For me, especially in areas where I have less confidence, it’s really hard to turn down an opportunity. I always think “who am i to say no?” I feel like I am not qualified or important enough to refuse this person. The more important the person, the harder it is to say no. And, yet, just cause someone wants you doesn’t mean it’s a right fit. Just cause an opportunity came doesn’t mean you should take it. I’ve learned to step back and look at the opportunity carefully, think of the commitment in time, effort, stress and also the rewards and then make my decision. I might be a nobody but my time and effort are still valuable (especially since it means I will not be spending it on my loved ones.) Another lesson learned the hard way.
20. Another book I read this week taught me the lesson of how so many things that happen to me are actually smaller than they seem. The way things work is like this: something bad happens, i decide it means this one thing,from then on anything that’s even remotely related feeds my original idea of what it means and I let it grow bigger and bigger and bigger until it consumes me. For example: let’s say I am a writer wannabe. I send in a story, it doesn’t get picked up. I decide it means I’m not talented. From thereon, any even slightly negative comment on any message board, or from a friend just feeds my story that I am not talented. “She must have meant that I suck.” When I see another friend get published, it also means I’m not talented. It couldn’t possibly mean she worked night and day and submitted ten times more often than I did. Because my story is that I am not talented and I’m sticking to it no matter what. See the signs of self-sabotage here? I create a bad story and then I feed it forever. I realized how when I do this, I am basically looking for opportunities to feed my story. I make everything and anything about me. I don’t have to take responsibility anymore because it’s all happening to me and it’s all part of my story. Whereas if I didn’t have this story/idea, each event would be a single (likely) small and random instance. I wouldn’t even notice some and I would pass by the others. This taught me to pay attention to my stories. To how I am feeding them. To back up and pay attention so I can stop.
Random thoughts are occasional blathering by me. Here are part 1, part 2, part 3, and part 4 .
Hi Karen, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and the lessons you learnt. Karen is also my given first name, but I don’t just share the same name with you, I also have the same lessons to learn as you do and I find your insights help me be more aware of my own foibles. Thank you again!
Hi Karen, Just a couple comments on your random thoughts:
1. “Mean friends” is an oxymoron. Friends aren’t mean, and mean people are not friends.
2. You are so NOT nobody. You are a great big somebody to a lot of people, I know this for certain.
3. Here’s a suggestion, next time someone says something nice about you, make a conscious effort to make that your story, and see what happens if you make a point to feed and nurture and grow that!
Have a wonderful Easter!
Pat
I’m with Pat. Her last comment is bang on. Look how many people you inspire on a daily basis. Look how many people look to you for guidance. That’s your new story. Wear it proudly!
love ya 🙂
Karen, I was in absolute shock as I read your random thoughts. You are so very talented. I admire your work, and you inspire me. To think that you feel that you are a nobody is a thought that you definitely need to replace with something much more positive. I agree that words said when we were younger tend to shape our lives, and those words do seem to keep coming back. Those words were in the past and now we have the present, a gift.
Karen,
I had one of my biggest “ah ha” moments reading your thoughts today (#18). You are so inspiring. Because you take the time to share your art and your thoughts, I feel challenged to stretch myself. Your work impacts!
Thanks!
thank you!!
Hi Karen, I am always taken by suprise, when I read your blog and your own assessment of your capabilities.
When I look at you through your blog, your postings, your art, the classes you take, the books you read, the boys you raise, the man you married, the place you work at, the classes you teach, I -although we never met or talked in person- see a wonderful acccomplished programmer, with a great hobby, who designs for the scrapbooking industry, who gets her art published, who teaches her experience to a worldwide community of scrapbookers (who pay to “Find their way”) to learn from you personally, Karen.
To be very frank: I don’t even frequent blogs like Ali Edwards and Cathy Zielske that often anymore, because you and what you say are so much more real to me: you share the raw life, your learnings, your list making, how much you love your family, where you get your inspiration.
You are touching my very ordinary soul. I am learning so many things from your blog: for example, to start the day with sports (for you) – for me it is art making, so that I have a feeling of accomplishment.
I also followed your links to Brave Girls Camp and because you shared your art, I actually joined Soul Restoration. And the list goes on and on. Don’t mention the links to sketching.
This, what you do, is so powerful and big…..You are so much more, than you give yourself credit for and I wish that you could see what I see when I look at you.
Karen, do you know what would need to happen, so that you could also believe it for yourself?
Happy Easter to you and yours
thank you for your kind words. they mean the world to me. i hope you like soul restoration. i cherished that class and look forward to part 2.
do you know what would need to happen, so that you could also believe it for yourself? good question and the fact is, i don’t. i just need to slowly or quickly just get rid of the feeling. whatever would have needed to happen already has. in so many ways and more. so the problem is inside me not on any outside thing than can fix it 🙂 i will think on this one for quite some time and figure it out. i think it’s the key.
Karen, would you mind sharing the titles of the books mentioned in random thoughts 17 and 20?
Thank you so much.
Yes, the first one is “before I fall” and the second one is “13 reasons why” both are good reads but very different. and both are young adult but not for young young since they deal with issues around death and also some typical late teenage behavior.
Karen, I’m so sorry you feel this way. I read your newest post and see that you didn’t mean for it to sound so negative and bad and you do see the good things you have in your life. Sometimes reading these books makes us remember things in our past or we relive thru those books too. I agree with everyone here who commented about how you have changed them and what they see in you. I see a talented, sweet, loving, great teacher, inspiring artist, funny, gentle, big hearted, warm, kind and more. This is just from taking your classes and reading here, my new dream is to met you in person and sit and chat and create with you. I hope you know how many people you have helped and reach on a daily basis. Don’t say your a nobody because I think you are a GREAT SOMEBODY!! I will forever be grateful that you taught E and FYW and how much these classes changed me and my scrapping. Just think of the life changes you went thru and instead of keeping them to yourself and carrying on with life you shared it with us and created these wonderful classes so you could help us, not everyone is that generous. Thank you for always being honest here whether it’s bad or good you keep it real. So remember all these good things and make a story about that. Sending big hugs your way.