Journaling Reads:
Before you were born, I promised myself that I would be a happy person.
I kept reading stories about kids who grew up with sad moms and how they
blamed themselves for the sorrow. I used to get sad easily and I told
myself that it would have to stop that. You deserved better and I was
determined to make it happen. I put positive, inspirational messages all
over the house and reminded myself daily that my attitude was going to
change. I wasn’t sure how it would happen since I had been this way for
thirty years and old habits die hard, but I refused to worry about the
how and just knew that it would have to happen. You deserved that much.
I would work night and day if I had to.
It turns out that much effort was completely unnecessary. The moment you
came out, my personality shifted. I felt healthier and happier. More
fulfilled. I thought it might be the high from the birth and later the
hormones from nursing. I kept making up reasons for why my sad old self
hadn’t returned. I waited for it to rear its ugly head any moment now.
Two years after the birth, even after the breastfeeding, I am still
happy, David. I think it’s time for me to admit that it’s just you. You
make me happy. Your joyful sounds, your funny imitations, even your
crazy tantrums make my day. Lately, you started imitating the car
sound. You close your hands into fists and put them in a circle like
you’re driving a car and then you run around the house, moving your
hands back and forth, making the noise, and spitting everywhere in the
process. Your dad and I can’t help but laugh. You are a perfect little
boy when it comes to entertaining yourself and your exuberance and joy
is contagious. Thank you, little boy, for making me a truly happier person.
Leave a Reply