Daily Diary – February 15 2011

Maybe I should write these entries in the morning because I often sit to write once my kids are in bed and by then the entire day’s tiredness is on me and I am considerably whinier than usual. Today was one of those days where I could do one of a million things but I didn’t have to do anything so you know what? Nothing got done. Bad girl. I exercised, read to David, and worked. That’s pretty much it. Oh and I sketched. I wrote in my art journal. And I am hoping to do a bit of journaling and my portrait after this. But honestly, I spent quite a bit of time pouting and dozing off. I needed to be more organized but I felt tired and out of it. Alas, tomorrow is another day. Thankfully.

The little boy refused to nap again. I put him down three times before he finally passed out.

He played a bunch, went through my wallet, and tried to get me to put David’s new music DVD into my laptop..

He would stick it in the slot and then be shocked when the DVD disappeared into the computer. He’d ask me to take it out and then we’d do the whole thing over again. IT was fun the first two times but got kind of old quickly.

Thanks to Julie I’ve begun a new style of art journaling in the beginning of february and I am loving it so far. It’s pages like Judy Wise and Julie where I write a little each day and then do art and stamping and watercolor and just have fun throughout the day. I am really loving it so far.

After I woke Nathaniel up (and he had several meltdowns) it was time to get the big boy. Who came home, did his chores and went right down to the business of playing.

And then Daddy came home and we all rejoiced.

I’ve been struggling with some decisions lately. And through it all I was thinking that sometimes there’s a disagreement, or argument, or something much much subtler that goes on between two people. An interaction that just leaves you with a bad taste in your mouth. You can’t even describe why but you know there’s just something there. Time passes, it dims. But it doesn’t go away. And now you’re suspicious. All of this person’s future actions, words, etc pass through this filter in your mind. You can never be fully open and free of assumption around this person again. You start seeing things when there isn’t anything to see and then grow resentful and frustrated even though the other person didn’t really do anything at all. It all just goes back to the interaction (now long ago) that planted a seed way back then. And finally, you accept that it will never be the same. You either have to really have a talk with this person or you have to walk away. In my case, I cannot talk to the person, because my relationship is not at that level. So I see myself slowly pulling away. It makes me a bit sad. And I feel a strong pull to call this person up and explain and demand apologies and hash it and rehash it. But of course it’s all senseless. The person probably doesn’t even remember and is doing nothing different from the ordinary. But in my head it’s a big story now and I cannot let it go. So I am moving away from it. It feels like my only option right now. But it still makes me sad.

And to be fair, it’s a small, small thing in the grand scheme of my life. I am lucky, healthy, blesses and so so so grateful. I am deeply grateful for each and every moment in my life.

Three Things I’m Grateful For:
1. I am grateful for the opportunity to join the Maya Road team. I am so humbled and overjoyed and thrilled to be a part of that team.
2. I am grateful for all the students in my Embrace Imperfection class. There’s so much support and sharing and kindness there.
3. I am grateful for the time and space to journal tonight. I cannot wait to cuddle up and write.

Three Things David’s Grateful For:
1. I am grateful that I got to watch the star wars game with daddy {* his pick for the journal}
2. I am grateful that Daddy came home early
3. I am grateful for mommy