If you’ve been reading my blog anytime in 2010 or 2011, you know that I write three things I’m grateful for each day. This practice of gratitude has had a profound affect on my life. There are many moments in a day, now, where I have to sit down to take in all the gratitude I feel. I am fragile and strong and overwhelmed all at once.
Needless to say, I am really thankful for my life. And I try hard not to take a moment of it for granted. I also want to pay forward, outward as much as I can. So, along the way, I’ve decided to offer help any time I see an opportunity.
In the name of full disclosure, I think I’ve done this my whole life. If I see someone sad, I offer help, I try to be there, I ask what’s wrong. If I know someone has a problem I can fix, I try to. I’ve been a counselor, a resident assistant, a teacher. I think I just like to help others. It’s, in fact, how I ended up with my husband but that’s another story for another time. Anyway, so I’ve always been a helper but I am more mindful about it now. I purposefully reach out and offer and I pay attention to what pulls me to help.
We’re not talking about donating money to a cause here. Or even volunteering with a non profit. I’ve done both of those but this is about reaching out to individuals (often ones I don’t know and ones who don’t know me) and offering help. Technical, monetary, emotional, whatever. And here’s what I realized: it’s harder to accept help and to offer it.
I am often very delicate when I offer it. I try to write my qualifications (if it’s technical help) and go on and on enough so that the person knows I am authentic. I am often annoyed about how much up front work it is. I wish there was a way to just write “I can do this, trust me. Let me try.” Or “I care. I want to help. I swear I am a good person.” and know that the other person will just believe me. But, alas, trust is hard. Especially when you don’t know the person. And accepting help involves a lot of trust. Even professional help.
I’ve had some people ignore me, some refuse, and others accept the help. In each of the instances where the person accepted the help, I’ve benefited tenfold. I’ve been able to experience the joy and satisfaction of making a positive difference in someone’s life. That’s a huge huge reward. I do not discount it for a moment. I am deeply grateful when the person trusts me enough to accept it. Even more grateful when it’s successful help. And ecstatic when “it all works out.”
So, despite the fact that it’s hard work (and sometimes fragile), I still offer to help. I wish and pray with each offer that the other person can feel my genuine-ness. I am grateful when they do (or they just decide to give me a chance anyway.) It’s now an active and solid part of my 2011 goals.
Offer as much help as I can to as many people as I can. And be open to accepting help when offered.
ps: i wrote this a while ago and since then I’ve read this wonderful article by kelly rae roberts who puts my feelings into words so eloquently.
Beautifully expressed! I am truly grateful that you reached out and offered to help me oh so many years ago! Just as I am grateful that I accepted your offer. Thank you Karen for being the Karen I love!
As a recipient of your help, I thank you. Thanks also for sharing the article kelly wrote. Life IS great!
Hi Karen,
It does seem to be harder to accept other people offering to help than it is to be the one giving the help, doesn’t it?
I’m learning to accept help too. My daughter has begun buying me things like airline tickets, and it does feel strange to have your child do that! We were talking about “bucket lists” one day, and she remembered that one of my things was wanting to go to Washington DC to see the national monuments. She may be going to a conference in Washington in a month or two, and if she does, she wants to fly me down so that I can fulfill that wish. Also, I don’t know if I told you, but for Christmas she sent us really expensive pots and pans. I thought that was wonderful, more than enough, but the Monday before Christmas, she called us and told us that she had one more gift for us, that she didn’t want to give us on Christmas when everyone was there. She had us open our email, and she had sent a gift certificate for an outrageously extravagent bed and breakfast weekend. We were both quite overwhelmed, and I wanted to tell her no, it was too much. But then she gave me my favorite Christmas present, maybe ever. She said she’d been wanting to do something special for us since she got her current job (I know I told you about that, she’s CEO of a hospital!) She said she wanted to do something to thank us for always being supportive, always being there for her. And most of all for somehow helping her believe that she COULD do anything she put her mind to. I wish she had written that down, but I know I won’t forget that, ever. Coincidentally, she just called me. I sent her a quick email this morning to tell her how it went for us last night, we had to euthanize our oldest cat, who we’d had for 14 years. She knew that she wasn’t going to have time to email me, but she wanted me to know that she was thinking of me. It’s an odd transition from your kids needing you to take care of them, to them wanting to take care of you. I told her I was emailing about her, and what the subject was. She said she likes to do things for me, because I was always there for her. It feels odd, but I am so proud of her, not just for her accomplishments, but for the love and compassion she has in her heart.
Anyways, I wanted to share. Have a great weekend!
i am so sorry for your cat 🙁 and i am so glad you and your daughter are getting along well and she is so kind to you. you deserve it. we all deserve it. and she sounds like she’s truly wonderful which i think is such a great gift. i hope that my kids grow up to be contributing and kind members of society too 🙂
Karen, you are such an incredible person! I love reading your blog. You are inspiring not just as an artist but as a person. As I nurse it is my “job” to help people. I think you nailed it when you said it is harder to accept than to offer. I know that many of the patients and families I work with have a hard time letting someone, especially a stranger. Thank you for the post! I think this is a great goal for the year..or a lifetime!
thank you! for all of us! 🙂
Why is it so hard for women to accept help? Why do we constantly have to put on the armor of Wonder Woman and that we don’t need and/or want help? Great post and what a wonderful act of kindness that Kelly received..I read her blog too! 😉
I think it’s hard for men too. they have pride, just in a different context. we all want to look like we can handle it all. and alas we often forget we were never meant to handle it all on our own.
Hey thank you for this…i should maybe try to have a goal like that. To offer help and be sensible enough to the needs of others…Sometimes i am just plain lazy to do it and sometimes when i want t help im kind of ashamed to offer it. What to do then?
I think you just do it anyway. At least that’s what I am doing. You never know when it’s accepted and appreciated. All you can do is offer.
I, too, am consciously trying to reach out and offer help to others this year and this past week have been trying to connect with a lady that God has placed on my heart. We have not had an opportunity to get together but today she made a point to thank me for actively pursuing her (for lack of a better term) because she needs to know someone cares. Thanks for this post today reminding me that it’s worth it.
Karen, thank you for sharing this beautiful blog post! It is always so nice to see how much people truly share and care! It would be really awesome to meet you one day!
if you ever come to the San Francisco Bay Area, make sure to let me know!