I have noticed over the years that whenever I’m in a repeating group setup (like committee meetings, mom’s groups, class, etc.) there are one or two people who immediately stick out to me. These few people give me the vibe that they dislike me. Right away, I feel uneasy around them and go home wondering why they dislike me so much.
Over the years, I’ve often felt self-conscious and sad that people don’t like me. I’ve also noticed a pattern I go through when dealing with them. I first try to be really nice (“suck up”) and see if I can change whatever it is that’s making them unhappy with me. After a few weeks of this, somewhere along the line, I decide I don’t like them either. My dislike then grows stronger and stronger until I can’t stand the person any longer.
Doesn’t that sound fucked up to you? It does to me.
On Sunday, while reading Paolo Coelho’s new novel, I realized something. My current theory is that I’m projecting. When I meet these people for the first time, there’s something about me that I dislike that I see in them. Something about them reminds me of myself and I pick up on it without knowing it.
All those weeks I spend sucking up to them, I am really looking for reasons to blame them for not living up to my expectations of liking me. And then the whole thing, as expected, falls apart and now I hate them. When all along I set the whole thing up without realizing it. I don’t know if this is true but it’s my current theory. So next time I get this feeling, I am going to work hard to pinpoint where it’s coming from.
Or it could just be that they really don’t like me and I am not projecting or being paranoid.
One thing I’ve really realized in the past few months is that people show up in our lives as we create them. Which is not saying it’s not theoretically possible that they hate you in some way, but if you create them as people who hate you, they are sure to be.
I loved your site. Thanks for share so beautiful photographs . We live now in a world that increase our contacts . I am from Rio(Brazil) . Happiness.
It’s amazing how much you can learn in situations like that. I have made some very close friends who, upon our first meeting I just felt strange around, insecure, competitive add your negative feeling etc… Once we had an opportunity to get to know eachother we had so much in common- the people I end up fighting the most against turn out to teach me the most as well. Have a good week! “”)
speaking of friends — did I ever answer your horizon issue?? I can’t remember! Let me know — if I didn’t — I’ll answer right away!
I find it best to go very slowly with new people. Then if they turn out to be not really compatible with me, I haven’t really over done it or lost anything, and if they turn out to be “simpatico” as they say, it’s like a nice gift.