Amnesia by Choice

Let the bitching begin.

Two weeks ago a friend and I were talking on the phone. Out of the blue, the conversation turned ugly and he started asking me weird questions and getting increasingly angry/demanding. I had no idea where this was coming from and tried to take it with a grain of salt and even apologized for actions that weren’t wrong. I tried to soothe him but it was no go. He didn’t realize how upset he was and wouldn’t admit to being angry. After a while more of unloading on me, he hung up.



A few days later, he called me back and chatted away like nothing happened. At first I was taken aback and wondered whether I imagined the whole thing. I considered bringing it up myself but I didn’t want to rehash any of the issues so I left it alone and decided to wait. He and I talk several times a day so I figured it would eventually come up.



Here we are two weeks and at least ten conversations later and the issue never ever came up again. None of: “I’m sorry , I don’t know what came over me.” or “I must have been losing my mind.” or “Other stuff was making me upset, I am sorry I took it out on you.” I would have apologized but honestly, I hadn’t said a word and this wasn’t an argument as much as it was his unloading on me. So I went from flabbergasted to fuming.



I can totally understand that we all have bad days and times when we’re overly stressed. I can alos understand that we often take it out from those closest to us. But there’s no excuse for not acknowledging such an occurence. I was quite hurt, sad, and worried after that exchange and his not acknowledging it makes me feel like all the actions were justified. Even if he’d called me and continued to yell at me, I would have prefered that over lets-act-like-nothing-happened. WTF?



People and actions like that irk me. We all fuck up at times but let’s be a man (to use a really stereotypical phrase) about it. There’s nothing wrong with calling a good friend and apologizing. There’s a lot to be respected in humility and candor. And there’s no fucking thing to be proud of in feeling like if we don’t ever bring it up, it will be like it never happened. It did happen. Even if you want to act otherwise.

I am not waiting for an apology or even an explanation. I am happy to and already have forgiven him. I just want him to acknowledge it so I don’t feel like my feelings aren’t worthless to him. Mayne it’s asking for too much but I cannot stand acting. I like things out in the open. I like honesty. I like candid. Bring it on. If you put it out there, we may be able to resolve it. If you don’t, we never will.