It’s quite funny that I wrote about letting go four years ago in reference to having children. Last night, in bed, I was thinking that having David has cured me of quite a few things. It’s a case of “when you have no time to worry, you simply don’t.”
I used to worry about everything. And I mean everything. I have a major issue with letting people down and if I feel like I let someone I care about down, I beat myself up for days and sometimes months. It’s not healthy and it doesn’t accomplish anything except to make me really sad. But I wasn’t able to stop doing it.
Before David, that is.
I’ve had some major letdowns in the last few months. I lost what I thought was a solid friendship. I realized that sometimes you can’t count on the people nearest to you. I understood the phrase “the road to hell is paved with good intentions.” And I’ve finally admitted that often times the only one you can count on is yourself. I’ve also had some amazing surprises and an incredibly healthy and happy baby but those are not what we’re talking about for now. Ordinarily, just one of the things that went wrong would be enough for me to beat myself up for months. It would mean I’d mourn for weeks and go over and over the events to find the exact point where it all fell apart and how I should have done it all differently.
Before David, that is.
Now, I sleep the three hours a night that I can manage, I eat, I work and I play with my amazing son. I have somehow managed to move on and let go. If the people in my life aren’t there for me and aren’t willing to work with me, I guess we’re not meant to be in each other’s lives. Friendship takes a lot of time and commitment. It takes perseverance and being humble. So does family. If those traits are non-existent in a relationship, maybe there’s no relationship worth hanging on to.
It’s funny that I thought I shouldn’t have children until I’ve learned to let go. If only I knew having children was the thing that would teach me to let go.
Thank You, David.
oh and comments are back now! yey! 🙂
That is one gorgeous photograph!!!
At this stage, it’s perfectly normal to be leaving the rest of your pre-child world behind, but as things get under control, please accept this piece of parenting advice, as it will probably be the most important you ever get:
The best thing that you and your partner can to help your child to grow up healthy and happy is to have a good relationship with your spouse.
For years, I defined life as before Dave and after Dave. You need to rediscover yourself in terms of the “new” you. Find stolen seconds to be alone. Quite often, hubby and I would make a date…two hours at a restaurant, what a difference in our relationship! And now, as we enter the stage of empty nesters, I’m glad we did that because we still enjoy each other immensely. Twenty-seven years and counting!