As the last days of the year approach and the holidays come rushing in, I notice that the todo list grows and the deadlines loom. One of the things I did a few years ago is to make a list of all the things I like and dislike during the holiday season. I then looked for ways to do more of what I like and less of what I dislike.
Simple right?
Well, not so. Holidays come with a lot of guilt. Ideas of wrong and right and things you should do. Feelings of inadequacy or expectations from people around you. Many people around me feel a strongly under-appreciated during the holidays. As my kids grow and the Christmas wonder dwindles, I know this will happen here too.
Which is where the list comes in handy. The idea is to focus on what makes you happy during the holidays and increase the amount of time you spend on that. And all the chores you don’t like, see if you can get rid of them, or at least make them much much less time consuming.
Here is an example:
I don’t do Christmas cards. I never have and I have no plans to. I take photos of my kids all the time and I love doing that. I also talk to, email, or write to most of the people I am friends with. I don’t need the holiday season to remind them of me or send them a printed photo of me that they won’t know what to do with. I generally don’t know what to do with Christmas cards I receive. I like them and look at them for a moment and then I toss them. And, maybe because of that, I think they are a huge waste of money and time and hassle for the recipient because I imagine them hesitating (like i do each year) and then guiltily throwing them away. So I just don’t do them. I save the time, the money, and the hassle. I don’t feel even 1% guilty about it and I use that time and money elsewhere.
Please bear in mind that these are my thoughts. You might love making and getting Christmas cards. That’s perfectly fine. The idea is to not to what you don’t want to do. Without guilt.
I also don’t put bows or other fancy wrapping on our presents. This year, I might try to even use gift bags instead of wrapping. I don’t spend time making a lot of hand-made presents. I might make one or two each year. Maybe. I also hate shopping. I always hate it but during the holidays even more so since the stores are so full. So I do all my shopping online. Early enough to get free or cheap shipping. I do it all in one night and then I am done.
What I do love to do is go on family excursions and to craft. And to put up a tree with decorations. I do a December Daily album each year to document the season as it happens. We have a beautiful tree and I decorate it mostly by myself. I don’t resent it ever because it’s one of the things I love most about the season. I love looking at it all month long. I love baking with my kids. I love relaxing and reading. And I try to spend most of my time doing that.
This gives me the mental and emotional space to really enjoy the season and be grateful for everything I have. It gives me the energy to snuggle up with my kids and be thankful they still let me hug them.
So if you’re finding yourself resentful or rushed this holiday season, my suggestion to you is to make a list. Write down all the things you resent doing. See if you can get rid of them. See if you can delegate them. See if you can minimize the time you spend on them.
And then make a list of everything you love. Schedule those into your week/day/month. Make sure you do them often and for longer periods. Remember that life is short and it’s better to feel joy over guilt. And doing more of what you love will fill you with gratitude.
And remember to snuggle up. Even if it’s just with a book.
Happy Holidays.
Aaah, a breath of fresh air!
Such wonderful thoughts. So much of what you say here resonates with me.
So very true. I’m trying to get rid of the ‘obligations’, but it’s not easy.
what a great idea to help you enjoy the holidays!
Hi Karen,
This is my last day of work before Christmas, so I won’t be at my computer for lunch the next couple days! I just wanted to wish you and your family a happy and wonderful Merry Christmas.
We have several special things for Christmas. My husband and I have been doing dated ornaments each year since 1982. Also, we have ornaments from his childhood and mine, from our kids before we met (they were 6 and 8 when we met) We have all sorts of experiences and memories on our tree, which is why I love them so much. Plus we’ve been buying our trees from the same guy for 20+ years, because twice when he didn’t have what we wanted on his lot, he took us across town to his house, and cut trees for us right out of his yard!
Our first few years without kids, Christmas would have been sad (in their early 20’s they all disbursed for a while!) but John and I started a tradition where we have a special dinner Christmas eve, then light candles, fill the sink with snow and a bottle of wine, and play Christmas music while we soak in our big whirlpool tub. Then if it’s not ridiculously cold, we walk around town holding hands, looking at the lights, and enjoying the peace. That’s by far our best “empty nester” tradition, and helped to make those first few childless Christmases tolerable.
It is so wonderful to have a child around again though! Our granddaughter Carmen is 6, so Christmas is great fun with her. Her parents are divorcing (they have been separated for almost 4 years) but we still all gather around her for Christmas at our house. And of course, I’m grateful that my mom will be with us this year, after how sick she was earlier this year. Life is good, really good.
We already got the best Christmas present too. I know I told you about my daughter the new CEO. I’ve been in very close contact with her for the last month, because she has been “commuting” weekly from Montana to North Dakota. This is her last week though, she has finished her obligations at her former job, and she can now settle in completely at her new one. She called us on Monday and asked us to power our computer up, and call her. She said she had a gift for us, but she wanted to give it to us when no one else was there. We were a bit worried what she had done–she already sent us cookware for Christmas! So we opened the email, and it was a really big gift certificate for a really super nice bed and breakfast for a romantic weekend away. We were pretty speechless from the gift, but the she said that she’d been wanting to do that since she got the job, to thank us for always being there for her, supporting and encouraging her, helping her when she needed help, and for really instilling the notion that she could do ANYTHING in her. She said she really appreciates how much we have been there for her, and she wanted to do something special for us. That’s my favorite gift, just what she said. I could not be more proud of her, but it’s so gratifying that she appreciates us like that. Moments like that (plus the terrific grandbabies!) are the best part of having kids.
So, that’s was a bit long and rambling, but I wanted to share, and I for sure wanted to wish you a happy holiday season.
Pat
thank you for the timely reminder (although I wish I had read it BEFORE I put myself through the stress of the last couple of days) next year WILL be different!
Hope you’ve had a great Christmas with your family!