A friend of mine and I were discussing honesty the other day. I am firmly of the belief that sound relationships and solid friendships are based on complete honesty. She doesn’t fully agree. She thinks honesty is quite overrated in certain cases.
I believe if I am going out wearing something that makes me look bad it’s my friend’s duty to warn me. She believes that if I looked in the mirror and liked what I saw and my friend’s opinion differed, that doesn’t mean her opinion is worth more than mine. As such, my friend shouldn’t say anything. If I ask, then she can offer her opinion, but otherwise it’s not needed. She claimed that especially in cases where the problem is not resolvable (for example, I meet my friend at a restaurant and she doesn’t approve of what I am wearing) that honesty would only serve to make me upset or frustrated and it wouldn’t help one bit. Wasn’t it better to keep your words to yourself?
I am not sure where I stand. Obviously, my friend and I are allowed to disagree on opinion-oriented issues like a piece of clothing or a career move. Then again, almost every difficult decision one has to face has opinion-oriented aspects to it. I might agree that if it’s after the fact or too late to turn back, my friend maybe shouldn’t share her differing opinion. But even then, isn’t it better for me to know how she feels for next time? Just because she shares her differing thoughts doesn’t mean I will do what she says over how I feel. But isn’t it better to know the thoughts of someone I trust?
I guess it all depends on how strong and well-balanced the friendship is. If I consider this person a true friend and know that she would never say things out of jealousy or competition, and if I can trust myself and my own choices, I would like to know the truth about her thoughts. If she’s capable of being catty or if I am so weak that I would blindly take her choices over mine, it’s best for her to keep her thoughts to herself.
But, then again, at that point, she’s not really my friend, is she?
i know there are too many nature shots this week but it’s an exceptionally busy week as jake’s preparing for a huge exam and I am trying to help him out so i am posting the mission trails photos in order instead of spreading them out. apologies if the natural shots are starting to bore you.
Shots like this never bore me. Absolutely stunning.
Actually, I like this one. When I first glanced at the photo, I thought you were posting a bouquet with the floral arrangement in the shape of a two…signifying two years of wedded bliss. Keep it up!
Very nice image! I like the dof effect here. Composition is really good toO!
I’m with Tudy– this is a beautiful shot. 🙂
Lovely.
keep posting these nature shots, this one is excellent.
Personally, I’d like complete(even if painful!) honesty from a friend. But people, even friends, often ask for your opinion as a way to seek reassurance or comfort. In that case, I usually give them what they’re looking for—objective opinion or reassurance(even if dishonest) as the case may be. But when I’m not asked, I try to keep quiet, unless it’s a positive comment. Unfortunately, I also like playing the Devil’s advocate, so I’m usually very bad at keeping quiet! 🙂
I think it varies. some things are better left not mentioned.
Cool picture. Nice sharpness.
well, i might agree with you depending what “some things” you mean? care to give me an example?
If you were a guy the conversation would go like this:
Your friend: Those pants are retarded.
You: You’re just jealous. Piss off.
And there would be no hard feelings and neither would brood on it and the comment would be forgotten almost immediately. And you would still wear those pants. And you wouldn’t really say “Piss off”, it would be worse. And then, the next time you saw your friend you might casually say, “Have you gained weight?” And then it would be his turn to not really say “Piss off.” And then they’d tell each other how crazy their wife is. I’m kidding. Sorta.
Well – things that wont serve a purpose.
An example:
If you don’t care much for a person who you just happens to run into sometimes because that person is friends with some of your friends, I don’t see a need to stand up and say .. Hey I really don’t like you. Unless the person asks for it, being a complete jerk.
Well it’s hard to give an example heh.
it sounds to me like your friendships are based on your own personal criteria of what a friend should and shouldnt be….if she doesnt tell you the truth, then shes not a ‘real’ friend….that doesnt sound to open and fair…perhaps having a more well rounded outlook on things will lessen the importance you place on abstract ideas.
hmm that’s a good and valid point but don’t we all choose friends
according our own criteria? it’s not like we become best friends with just
anyone. can you give me an idea of what you mean when you say “a more well rounded outlook on things”?
what you said is so wise you should have a tv show